TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
"But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always leads us in triumph…"
(2 Corinthians 2:14, AMP)
TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
In life, we all have to deal with the unexpected. Just because we're believers, just because we're good people or doing the right thing doesn't make us exempt from trouble. The scripture says, "The rain falls on the just and the unjust." In times when something unexpected happens, or you find yourself facing a crisis, you don't have to go into "panic mode" or fall apart emotionally. Remember, that crisis is no surprise to God. It may be unexpected to you, but God knows the end from the beginning. He has solutions to problems that you haven't even had. He has equipped you for every battle, and He goes before you making your crooked places straight.
Today, focus on the fact that He is with you. Remember that He is walking with you and guiding you to a place of peace and victory. No matter what has happened, He will take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it around for your good! He always leads us in victory, so keep moving forward trusting in the good plan He has for you!
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, I come to You with an open and humble heart. I thank You for the victory that You have in store for me even when I can't see it. I choose to trust You and Your goodness knowing that You are faithful. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Last day in Kk- 19
Since the last entry I wrote, I was very busy the following days. I couldn't recall what I did but all I remembered was doing all the cooking for my brother every day. My brother has gotten through the 4 days of chemo well, with a slight fever within that period, and now waiting a word from the doctor to be discharge today. My brother doesn't like staying in the hospital and fidgeting to go home as soon as possible. I can understand his feelings because I would not want to stay there myself too. On Friday night, I stayed at the hematology ward throughout the rest of the night to give him accompany. I just sat there just for a few minutes and I felt the boredom already even though I had books with to read. Sleeping in the hospital is not a peaceful environment to be indulged in as nurses and other patients are constantly doing something that pretty much disturb your sleep.
Well, these days doing cooking it is not easy to do 3 meals a day. I practically have one hour or two for personal time and wasn't enough to do my own things. During this time, I have gained a perspective which I have never comprehended before. Taking the role of my mother as the housewife of the family is not an easy task to do. Mother is still lying in the room and without her presence in the kitchen to advice me over my cooking, I had to experience all on my own understanding and learning. I cut my finger while deboning a whole chicken, I burned my dhal and chicken teriyaki while my mind was on other things, cooked funny tasting herbal chicken bone soup, rice turned out slushy, unraised banana cake etc. LOL.. I wonder where are all my cooking skills, I remembered these are all the dishes always good at cooking.
...to be continue (off to market to buy things) I will write about the experience as a full time mother at home or so it seems like that as a daughter working at home for the family
Well, these days doing cooking it is not easy to do 3 meals a day. I practically have one hour or two for personal time and wasn't enough to do my own things. During this time, I have gained a perspective which I have never comprehended before. Taking the role of my mother as the housewife of the family is not an easy task to do. Mother is still lying in the room and without her presence in the kitchen to advice me over my cooking, I had to experience all on my own understanding and learning. I cut my finger while deboning a whole chicken, I burned my dhal and chicken teriyaki while my mind was on other things, cooked funny tasting herbal chicken bone soup, rice turned out slushy, unraised banana cake etc. LOL.. I wonder where are all my cooking skills, I remembered these are all the dishes always good at cooking.
...to be continue (off to market to buy things) I will write about the experience as a full time mother at home or so it seems like that as a daughter working at home for the family
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Burdened heart
I can't help it. I feel helpless. I do not know what to do. I see mom with her sad face and all the depressing words she uttered from her mouth; the vivid memo graphic of her head frowning, crying and helplessness really test my patience. Other than making her a glass of milk, encouraging her with positive words, and giving her medicine I feel helpless because I cannot do more than that. I want to make her happy, yet, I have done the best I could to attend to her. I tried encouraging her gently by guiding her hand while assuring her to stand up for a walk around the room, or perhaps out from the room. Seeing her just lying on the bed motionless really breaks my heart. I have not known her that way before. I remember she always nag around the house and making herself busy with house chores and meal cooking. I missed her presence walking around the house.
I feel very heavy burdened about my mother's situation, yet, I believe everything is well in God's hand. He is my strength through this adversity.
Aaron has started today as the first day of his 5th chemo treatment. He looks stronger and much better than he used to be. I was there for his 1st chemo and things were very complicated yet thanks to be the Lord that he was able to go through the pain and suffering well. He is a good and strong boy.
Today, I had to cook lunch and dinner for Aaron. It is tiring and I may lost the perspective of cooking too much ( you will come to a point that you cannot remember what and how to cook) so I decided to find a way to loosen a little bit and to celebrate my progress of cooking all sorts of dishes by chilling at Yoyo for a iced blended red bean with pearl and good chat with my cousins.
I feel very heavy burdened about my mother's situation, yet, I believe everything is well in God's hand. He is my strength through this adversity.
Aaron has started today as the first day of his 5th chemo treatment. He looks stronger and much better than he used to be. I was there for his 1st chemo and things were very complicated yet thanks to be the Lord that he was able to go through the pain and suffering well. He is a good and strong boy.
Today, I had to cook lunch and dinner for Aaron. It is tiring and I may lost the perspective of cooking too much ( you will come to a point that you cannot remember what and how to cook) so I decided to find a way to loosen a little bit and to celebrate my progress of cooking all sorts of dishes by chilling at Yoyo for a iced blended red bean with pearl and good chat with my cousins.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Mom's Case on Anxiety Disorder
I am back to KL now after 5 days staying in KK just to be home to settle family matters. Mom is down with generalized anxiety disorder and has been given almost 3 weeks medication for a duration of 6 months recovery. This type of disorder is said to take that long to recover. I believe it all depends on the patient to have revelation back to normal.
Back at home, I tried to give as much encouragement, positive words and speak the truth to her as much as possible. I cooked dinner so that my mom, dad, brother , and his gf would sit together for a meal. We don't have the custom of eating together. I actually would like to see my family sit down over a meal and fellowship nicely. It is not common to see such custom happening now. I guess now it is because my brother needs 3 complete meal a day for his body to replenish blood ( after chemotherapy ) that it was necessary to cook meals for him. Naturally, all other family members come to join in the dinner. 3 dishes are always served on the table.
Mom has completely stopped cooking, gardening , doing housechores and anything that she used to love doing. She keeps lying on her bed in a dark room and some time could feel so uneasy about herself. She would think that she has sore throat, stomachache, heartburns and others when actually doctor has checked that she is completely well. That is the illusion of a person who is depressed and practically thinks cannot do anything at all and thinks she is dying soon etch..all the negative thinking.
Honestly, it is really really really sad to see mom like that especially her tantrums she throws at my dad when he gives her medicine. She thought that we are trying to poison her to death. When I look at mom's face, I have never seen her being so pale, sad , thin and she looked 'lost'. I can't feel the connection when one sees into a person's eyes. However, I always try to see her as a normal person , the person she is then focusing on her illnesses. Although at times it can be frustrating to distinguish which part of her is coming from her real self or the illness, it is always best to speak positively and gently to her. I read that this disorder manifested due to accumulated and retained fear in the brain that at final stage, became irritability, shaking etc... read more on wikipedia.
It is grieving to hear that one with this disease would take 6 months only to full recovery. I hope it doesn't take that long for month. I do not worry about my mom and brother so much because it is no use. In my heart, there is a constant prayer for them knowing that they are fighting this illness at home. I wish to be there for them all the time but it is a good reason to stay away from home's sad atmosphere so that I can always give them encouragement from far in renewed and refreshed mind.
I do not know what are the reason of all this and whether or not changes done would readjust my family. I do pray that over time, dad will have good understanding over mom's suffering and needs as well as good communication with brother. I pray that there are no strife or resentment kept in their hearts.
Now that I have poured out all the concerns in my heart... I trust the Lord fighting this battle for us. Amen.
Lesson learned: When I was at home, before mom was down with this illness, I couldn't stand mom nagging at me or ordering me to do things in the house, now if I see her talking like she used to (with the illness) I don't mind just keep quiet and listen to her. I obey whatever she said as long as I hear that voice than seeing her mute.
Back at home, I tried to give as much encouragement, positive words and speak the truth to her as much as possible. I cooked dinner so that my mom, dad, brother , and his gf would sit together for a meal. We don't have the custom of eating together. I actually would like to see my family sit down over a meal and fellowship nicely. It is not common to see such custom happening now. I guess now it is because my brother needs 3 complete meal a day for his body to replenish blood ( after chemotherapy ) that it was necessary to cook meals for him. Naturally, all other family members come to join in the dinner. 3 dishes are always served on the table.
Mom has completely stopped cooking, gardening , doing housechores and anything that she used to love doing. She keeps lying on her bed in a dark room and some time could feel so uneasy about herself. She would think that she has sore throat, stomachache, heartburns and others when actually doctor has checked that she is completely well. That is the illusion of a person who is depressed and practically thinks cannot do anything at all and thinks she is dying soon etch..all the negative thinking.
Honestly, it is really really really sad to see mom like that especially her tantrums she throws at my dad when he gives her medicine. She thought that we are trying to poison her to death. When I look at mom's face, I have never seen her being so pale, sad , thin and she looked 'lost'. I can't feel the connection when one sees into a person's eyes. However, I always try to see her as a normal person , the person she is then focusing on her illnesses. Although at times it can be frustrating to distinguish which part of her is coming from her real self or the illness, it is always best to speak positively and gently to her. I read that this disorder manifested due to accumulated and retained fear in the brain that at final stage, became irritability, shaking etc... read more on wikipedia.
It is grieving to hear that one with this disease would take 6 months only to full recovery. I hope it doesn't take that long for month. I do not worry about my mom and brother so much because it is no use. In my heart, there is a constant prayer for them knowing that they are fighting this illness at home. I wish to be there for them all the time but it is a good reason to stay away from home's sad atmosphere so that I can always give them encouragement from far in renewed and refreshed mind.
I do not know what are the reason of all this and whether or not changes done would readjust my family. I do pray that over time, dad will have good understanding over mom's suffering and needs as well as good communication with brother. I pray that there are no strife or resentment kept in their hearts.
Now that I have poured out all the concerns in my heart... I trust the Lord fighting this battle for us. Amen.
Lesson learned: When I was at home, before mom was down with this illness, I couldn't stand mom nagging at me or ordering me to do things in the house, now if I see her talking like she used to (with the illness) I don't mind just keep quiet and listen to her. I obey whatever she said as long as I hear that voice than seeing her mute.
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