I know I have not been writing for many days and I am excited to share the good news the Lord has done for my family. Rejoice I say to His almighty name, for the Lord is good!
Two nights ago, I was at the hospital as usual to bring him dinner from home. When I was there, the nurse informed us that she would have two nurses from the haemotology ward to move Aaron to the normal ward. At first, I thought if his move would impede his recovery. Now , it has been over two days he is in the normal and I praise the Lord that he is recovering well. It's a joy to see him sitting up on the bed with folded legs and now breathing without the aid of oxygen supply, I rejoice to see his cheerfulness, voracious appetite and elevated talk that fills in the ward: this is small moments just show that he is back in action!
Doctor said that he can return home after a week or two since he is recovering in a fast speed. I was so happy upon hearing this. It is good to have him back home. However, he still needs to be treated with chemo after his immune systems strengthens. The treatment is to make sure that all the bad cells ( aka leukemia) dies before supplemented with stem cells from bone marrow donor. I pray that my coming blood test tomorrow will find a stem match for him. The stem cells comes from the peripheral blood cells and said to be safer than the conventional bone marrow transplant.
Dad is getting doctor to refer Aaron to a hospital in KL. The doctor suggested transferring him to Hospital Ampang (do you know if the treatment and service is good over there?I need feedbacks.) for the rest of his chemo treatment. The hospital is the National Haemotology of Malaysia , however, I would like to look into other hospitals like university hospital. I will not know when is the exact date that my brother will head to KL and there are many things to consider.Once he is on chemo and becoming weak again, he needs intensive care and I hope I am able to provide the care that he needs despite of my working schedule (if I am to start working). Mom and dad will come over to KL to take care of him too. Since they are new in KL, I will have to assist them and guide them around KL.
Thank you for those who have been praying for my brother. I really appreciate it. :D God bless you!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Cheerful moment
Ahhh....it's good to be home, once again after hours of stay in the hospital. It's 9 pm now and still can't register what I did today. All I know is that I have been concentrating doing things for my brother.
Initially, I plan to stay at home in the morning to get some stuff done. Then, dad needed me to be there at the ward and pass him something. I was looking forward spending the time in the morning digesting my own errands. Anyway, I left the house right away after getting dad's call and reached there in time for him to have money to pay for the immigration officer to issue Aaron's new passport later in the day.Actually, dad just stopped by at the KK imigration office to ask if Aaron could have his passport made without having to be physically there in the office. Dad was then nicely assisted by two officers who willing to see Aaron's for thumbprint. (5 years = RM 300)I was really shock to see officers wearing a black jacket in the ward.
For the rest of the day, I was with CP and spend the noon time at Servey Likas supermarket buying stationaries and materials. They were for Aaron's birthday tomorrow.After we had lunch at home, we made the decorations ( Happy Birthday wordings cut out from cardboard)in two hours. I say we did a good job and the wordings were nicely hung on the curtain rail, further above Aaron's bed. The atmosphere of the ward changed to a cheerful ambience and really makes everything look different...at least one doesn't feel the sorrow and silence. Aaron was really surprised and speechless seeing us putting up the decoration. Recalling the moment, he is going to have a special birthday celebration in the hospital which I don't think it's common to do among us. I left a bowl of chocolates on the table and they are for grabs for whoever come by Aaron's ward...hehe.
I am really happy to see Aaron today. He is not on oxygen ventilator now but he is still attached to an oxygen aid (the one you see tubes with two outlet attached right under the nostrils). He is much more livelier than yesterday and in fact had such a great appetite that he just gobbled down the pasta I cooked as his dinner. Just the sight of seeing him eating and appreciating every single bite of it made my heart leaps in joy. For the first time, I actually watched and stared at someone enjoying their food. When I looked at him, that moment seem to stop for me...
=D
The doctor is still finding out the causes of his jaundice. The nurse will do blood test from him tomorrow and have the sample send to private lab to check for Hepatitis A or B, which might be one of the reasons for jaundice. His body is really yellowish compare to the days before ( I wonder if I should name him Avarish --Avatar in yellow lol). Over a couple of days, the doctor might move him to the normal ward as he is recovering well.
Initially, I plan to stay at home in the morning to get some stuff done. Then, dad needed me to be there at the ward and pass him something. I was looking forward spending the time in the morning digesting my own errands. Anyway, I left the house right away after getting dad's call and reached there in time for him to have money to pay for the immigration officer to issue Aaron's new passport later in the day.Actually, dad just stopped by at the KK imigration office to ask if Aaron could have his passport made without having to be physically there in the office. Dad was then nicely assisted by two officers who willing to see Aaron's for thumbprint. (5 years = RM 300)I was really shock to see officers wearing a black jacket in the ward.
For the rest of the day, I was with CP and spend the noon time at Servey Likas supermarket buying stationaries and materials. They were for Aaron's birthday tomorrow.After we had lunch at home, we made the decorations ( Happy Birthday wordings cut out from cardboard)in two hours. I say we did a good job and the wordings were nicely hung on the curtain rail, further above Aaron's bed. The atmosphere of the ward changed to a cheerful ambience and really makes everything look different...at least one doesn't feel the sorrow and silence. Aaron was really surprised and speechless seeing us putting up the decoration. Recalling the moment, he is going to have a special birthday celebration in the hospital which I don't think it's common to do among us. I left a bowl of chocolates on the table and they are for grabs for whoever come by Aaron's ward...hehe.
I am really happy to see Aaron today. He is not on oxygen ventilator now but he is still attached to an oxygen aid (the one you see tubes with two outlet attached right under the nostrils). He is much more livelier than yesterday and in fact had such a great appetite that he just gobbled down the pasta I cooked as his dinner. Just the sight of seeing him eating and appreciating every single bite of it made my heart leaps in joy. For the first time, I actually watched and stared at someone enjoying their food. When I looked at him, that moment seem to stop for me...
=D
The doctor is still finding out the causes of his jaundice. The nurse will do blood test from him tomorrow and have the sample send to private lab to check for Hepatitis A or B, which might be one of the reasons for jaundice. His body is really yellowish compare to the days before ( I wonder if I should name him Avarish --Avatar in yellow lol). Over a couple of days, the doctor might move him to the normal ward as he is recovering well.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Even Better Day
Hmm...I thought I must write down about yesterday's event before I forget. Today is Tuesday it's amazing how this week will go by faster and even better days than before.
Yesterday, I went to the hospital about 10 am and brought lentil and vegie casserole along for his breakfast. Daddy dropped me there while he went to some errands. There are two flight of stairs going up the hill before I arrive the ward and another flight of stairs to second floor of the building where the medical ICU is. To get to my brother's ward at far end of the ward, I will have to pass through the first part of the ICU unit and every time I pushed the door open to step into the unit, this is where I always see 6-8 patients - faces changes everyday, lying in their designated beds attached to drips and hose. I am glad that Aaron was moved to a closed room. He is susceptible to infection and the constant in out of visitors would affect him if he were to continue to stay in previous ward. He is a room with another patient, an old lady who has even severe case of leukemia.
I see that Aaron is gaining his appetite on food. After attending to him with my delicious~~ food (he at more than usual) in the morning, he requested that I bring sandwich with egg for him. Just the moment of hearing him asking for solid food, my heart leaps for joy! It shows that he is getting better and has the strength to enjoy eating food. I praise the Lord and I was so happy (even happier now at the thought of it)! I am willing to do anything for him no matter what he ask.
I remember the verse
Galation 6:9 And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the time appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faith.
Now I find the meaning in this verse. I almost lose courage, weary and faint in action, but I continue and keep strong. This faith that hope something unseen and yet sure in future drives me to press on knowing that my brother will get well. Every time I am in the ward with him, I always keep a smile and cheerful face. I want him to know that this is the faith that I am carrying and I believe God is doing a miracle in his situation. :D
------------------------
After noon visiting, I went to the blood bank to check on the progress of the donation. To my surprise , the room was full of Tong Hing Supermarket storage workers. They were all there for my brother's donation. I talked to my dad and later I noticed my ex-high school teacher was there as well! She called me yesterday asking about donation procedures. I didn't expect to see her at that time. It was amazing and happy to see that my Form 5 BM teacher is so helpful. =D She was the one informed his former student who works in Tong Hing... and he brought along all his colleagues. Hehe...I am amazed to see the nurse walked away a basket full of blood packs. God is good! Now, Aaron has more than enough blood supply he needs. God is more than able to help!
Thank you so much for those who are praying and took the time to donate blood. Thank you for your constant support and cheer, I won't be able to do it without your love and care. God bless you in everything and good comings.
Blood test: 1 March Pray that there is a match for my brother's bone marrow transplant.
Thanks for following up my blog..:D
Yesterday, I went to the hospital about 10 am and brought lentil and vegie casserole along for his breakfast. Daddy dropped me there while he went to some errands. There are two flight of stairs going up the hill before I arrive the ward and another flight of stairs to second floor of the building where the medical ICU is. To get to my brother's ward at far end of the ward, I will have to pass through the first part of the ICU unit and every time I pushed the door open to step into the unit, this is where I always see 6-8 patients - faces changes everyday, lying in their designated beds attached to drips and hose. I am glad that Aaron was moved to a closed room. He is susceptible to infection and the constant in out of visitors would affect him if he were to continue to stay in previous ward. He is a room with another patient, an old lady who has even severe case of leukemia.
I see that Aaron is gaining his appetite on food. After attending to him with my delicious~~ food (he at more than usual) in the morning, he requested that I bring sandwich with egg for him. Just the moment of hearing him asking for solid food, my heart leaps for joy! It shows that he is getting better and has the strength to enjoy eating food. I praise the Lord and I was so happy (even happier now at the thought of it)! I am willing to do anything for him no matter what he ask.
I remember the verse
Galation 6:9 And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the time appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faith.
Now I find the meaning in this verse. I almost lose courage, weary and faint in action, but I continue and keep strong. This faith that hope something unseen and yet sure in future drives me to press on knowing that my brother will get well. Every time I am in the ward with him, I always keep a smile and cheerful face. I want him to know that this is the faith that I am carrying and I believe God is doing a miracle in his situation. :D
------------------------
After noon visiting, I went to the blood bank to check on the progress of the donation. To my surprise , the room was full of Tong Hing Supermarket storage workers. They were all there for my brother's donation. I talked to my dad and later I noticed my ex-high school teacher was there as well! She called me yesterday asking about donation procedures. I didn't expect to see her at that time. It was amazing and happy to see that my Form 5 BM teacher is so helpful. =D She was the one informed his former student who works in Tong Hing... and he brought along all his colleagues. Hehe...I am amazed to see the nurse walked away a basket full of blood packs. God is good! Now, Aaron has more than enough blood supply he needs. God is more than able to help!
Thank you so much for those who are praying and took the time to donate blood. Thank you for your constant support and cheer, I won't be able to do it without your love and care. God bless you in everything and good comings.
Blood test: 1 March Pray that there is a match for my brother's bone marrow transplant.
Thanks for following up my blog..:D
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Special Birthday
It will be my brother's birthday this Wednesday. It is really special and good day. I am thinking how to make it a good one for him. I plan to buy him a PSP and trying to get family and relative to chip in. Today, I will look out for wordings and balloons. He is turning 23 soon and can't believe my little brother so grown up now. I remember he was just a cute little boy and now he is mistaken as my older brother (grrr...hehe). I am really looking forward to his birthday in the ward.
Any suggestion as to how to make celebrate a birthday in a hospital?
Any suggestion as to how to make celebrate a birthday in a hospital?
Prayer Request
Please pray for the following items:
a) Aaron to recover from pneumonia.
b) God speaks and comfort him everyday.
c) Strength to my parents, to be always think of positive way and calm in decision making.
d) That the best wards are available when we needed it.
e) Blood Donor (I contacted all my friends in KK to donate blood for him, Aaron needs O+ blood, if you have friends or relative in KK, please ask for help to donate blood to my brother
g) God create miracle in Aaron.
h) Protect Aaron's right lung and heal it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
? ? ? ?
I always ask the reason of all this chapter of life.. I may not know the real reasons and I am sure God is revealing something or He is working on something especially my family. I see that He is trying to teach me to be remain and grow stronger by faith in Him. There are many things that I do not understand or trying to comprehend. I question Him a lot about what is happening around me.
I see patients suffering on the bed every day. As I walk by their beds to further end of the ICU ward, I see doctor and nurses attending to the half-conscious patients. It is a scary to see doc with needles, suction hose down into the throat, etc while patient struggling with the pain. Every three times I pass by I can get the picture of how each patient is progressing, either bad or good. I wonder what is the state of mind of these patients going through the sickness and pain. Here, how does one question about God and how does spiritual support help in changing situation of the patients. What does one encounter out of this struggle of life? In ICU, one can see how patient is hanging on and struggling to live. Yeah so many questions...that in the end only God knows the answer and ...how the story ends, one do not know.
In time like this, what are the options available for us to be utilized to change thing or make things better...or should I rephrase, what actions are we taking to see changes or improvements. What really drives us to see changes to be done? Hope. With all the opportunities before us, I am struggling and rather with inner confusion understanding the facts of life : to rely on medication or not (i find it a tool and not a cure), to find the best food and supplements (so many people suggesting to eat this or eat that and can't really tell if they salutary work ), humanity ( asking help from ppl around ...garnering blood packs), moral support from friends and relative ( to what point that moral support helps sustain patient's emotional level), financial support ( ensure a better treatment ) and others
......all these boils down to the statement ' life is fragile' .
I see patients suffering on the bed every day. As I walk by their beds to further end of the ICU ward, I see doctor and nurses attending to the half-conscious patients. It is a scary to see doc with needles, suction hose down into the throat, etc while patient struggling with the pain. Every three times I pass by I can get the picture of how each patient is progressing, either bad or good. I wonder what is the state of mind of these patients going through the sickness and pain. Here, how does one question about God and how does spiritual support help in changing situation of the patients. What does one encounter out of this struggle of life? In ICU, one can see how patient is hanging on and struggling to live. Yeah so many questions...that in the end only God knows the answer and ...how the story ends, one do not know.
In time like this, what are the options available for us to be utilized to change thing or make things better...or should I rephrase, what actions are we taking to see changes or improvements. What really drives us to see changes to be done? Hope. With all the opportunities before us, I am struggling and rather with inner confusion understanding the facts of life : to rely on medication or not (i find it a tool and not a cure), to find the best food and supplements (so many people suggesting to eat this or eat that and can't really tell if they salutary work ), humanity ( asking help from ppl around ...garnering blood packs), moral support from friends and relative ( to what point that moral support helps sustain patient's emotional level), financial support ( ensure a better treatment ) and others
......all these boils down to the statement ' life is fragile' .
Relieve
Good to see that he is doing better. After draining out the lung fluid, he can breath and talk easily. It was a comfort and relieve to see him talk much more than usual to my cousins who came to visit. One thing that was enlightening to see that he ate mom's food ( hehe... thanks to my advice of not adding fish stock ;P), milk and cookie. Usually he would just have a drink and hardly any appetite to eat. I say , just the sight of seeing him eating and drinking....is a hope to behold. :D
I wonder how much longer until I can do my own stuff... I realize I miss working, meeting friends for chat and drink. I see it now they are among the best things in life.
I wonder how much longer until I can do my own stuff... I realize I miss working, meeting friends for chat and drink. I see it now they are among the best things in life.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Feb 20 A good day
Today is a good day.. and will be another good day tomorrow.
I woke up today at 6 am, thinking that I should cook food for Aaron ( he doesn't like to eat mom's food) hehe... guess my food is full of life, smell and color which i find important in food..creates appetite for a person to eat. Cookie vegie soup for him...smells good in the morning.
Went to see him again in the morning. Couldn't talk much to him because he is on a big oxygen ventilator. He was not on fluid drain now... nurse gave him blood transfusion and platelet. He still needs blood donation , in fact, the doctor urge for the donation to keep coming.
I am happy to see that there were my friends and family came for blood donation. So far, there are four donors today. Thanks Doris and Jing Wen for donating. Thanks too for those in KL who would like to donate. Unfortunately, hospital do not allow blood packs to be sent to KK for the recipient. Blood must come from within the region. I really thank God that in time of difficulties like this, there are many people who came back for CNY are able to donate blood. There are a few coming on Monday and hope to get more packs for him.
Now, signing off and heading to hospital. Hope he eats mom's food... if not, I am gonna spank him! Lol
I woke up today at 6 am, thinking that I should cook food for Aaron ( he doesn't like to eat mom's food) hehe... guess my food is full of life, smell and color which i find important in food..creates appetite for a person to eat. Cookie vegie soup for him...smells good in the morning.
Went to see him again in the morning. Couldn't talk much to him because he is on a big oxygen ventilator. He was not on fluid drain now... nurse gave him blood transfusion and platelet. He still needs blood donation , in fact, the doctor urge for the donation to keep coming.
I am happy to see that there were my friends and family came for blood donation. So far, there are four donors today. Thanks Doris and Jing Wen for donating. Thanks too for those in KL who would like to donate. Unfortunately, hospital do not allow blood packs to be sent to KK for the recipient. Blood must come from within the region. I really thank God that in time of difficulties like this, there are many people who came back for CNY are able to donate blood. There are a few coming on Monday and hope to get more packs for him.
Now, signing off and heading to hospital. Hope he eats mom's food... if not, I am gonna spank him! Lol
19 February 10
February 19
So many things...
I wanted to update about Thursday...er no Friday ( lost track of time when I am spending so much time in hospital). I stayed there for more than 13 hours for the longest in a week. I was there practically to assist my friends and my brother's friends for blood donation. There were 10 of them who was willing to donate , however, they are not in right state to do so. It's either they were on medication, sick, drank, or just came back from oversea. All in all, two of them only donated. I find that getting donation done is not easy as well.
Well, I am really happy that there are positive response from unknown people who is willing to help out. SMS and call just came in non-stop. With all the talking, I almost lost my voice. I am trying to get in blood for my brother as soon as possible. It takes two days to process and screen the blood before it is ready to be used.
About lunch time, when I brought him food, he coughed out blood and just that moment , seeing the blood, frightens me. Tears weld up in my eyes and wiped them off just so he doesn't see it. I want to avoid unnecessary sorrow in the ward. From the look of the bloody spectrum on the tissue, I know what is coming next... draining the fluids out. It has to be done as soon as possible before further internal bleeding persist. The nurses just waited on the platelet supply and it took so long that the doctor went to check for himself. (This just show how some nurses work) After dripping 4 packs of platelet, the young doctor poke a hole on his left lung and drain out the fluid. My brother was shocked to see the blood flowing out through the tube. He thought it was clear fluid but I knew it wasn't. We kept this secret from dad....
...after waiting on him and all procedure, I got out from hospital 8.30 pm. Joined Bk and CY for japanese food.. thanks to them I got the appetite to eat. I didn't eat the whole day and seeing so much blood suppress my eating appetite.
* yawning
learning stg new that night...couldn't start my car when about to go home. CY helped me to 'chot ca'....
So many things...
I wanted to update about Thursday...er no Friday ( lost track of time when I am spending so much time in hospital). I stayed there for more than 13 hours for the longest in a week. I was there practically to assist my friends and my brother's friends for blood donation. There were 10 of them who was willing to donate , however, they are not in right state to do so. It's either they were on medication, sick, drank, or just came back from oversea. All in all, two of them only donated. I find that getting donation done is not easy as well.
Well, I am really happy that there are positive response from unknown people who is willing to help out. SMS and call just came in non-stop. With all the talking, I almost lost my voice. I am trying to get in blood for my brother as soon as possible. It takes two days to process and screen the blood before it is ready to be used.
About lunch time, when I brought him food, he coughed out blood and just that moment , seeing the blood, frightens me. Tears weld up in my eyes and wiped them off just so he doesn't see it. I want to avoid unnecessary sorrow in the ward. From the look of the bloody spectrum on the tissue, I know what is coming next... draining the fluids out. It has to be done as soon as possible before further internal bleeding persist. The nurses just waited on the platelet supply and it took so long that the doctor went to check for himself. (This just show how some nurses work) After dripping 4 packs of platelet, the young doctor poke a hole on his left lung and drain out the fluid. My brother was shocked to see the blood flowing out through the tube. He thought it was clear fluid but I knew it wasn't. We kept this secret from dad....
...after waiting on him and all procedure, I got out from hospital 8.30 pm. Joined Bk and CY for japanese food.. thanks to them I got the appetite to eat. I didn't eat the whole day and seeing so much blood suppress my eating appetite.
* yawning
learning stg new that night...couldn't start my car when about to go home. CY helped me to 'chot ca'....
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Positive response
I sent out sms to three friends and the response I got were so overwhelming to the point that I became speechless. I don't know how to response to the more than 20 sms and calls about how they can donate blood. I am really touched that some of them took the time after work and headed to the hospital directly to get their blood donated. Networking is important to get things done.
Today I will be at the hospital from noon to 6 pm to assist with those who are coming for donation today. I plan to give out my birthday cupcakes when I see them. It's a way to say I am grateful to their time and effort.
I pray that I have good encounter and adventure in hospital today. Feel like I am in a philanthropic project. Hehe...
God is good all the time..
Recipe for the day:
Black Bean and Pumpkin Stew
Today I will be at the hospital from noon to 6 pm to assist with those who are coming for donation today. I plan to give out my birthday cupcakes when I see them. It's a way to say I am grateful to their time and effort.
I pray that I have good encounter and adventure in hospital today. Feel like I am in a philanthropic project. Hehe...
God is good all the time..
Recipe for the day:
Black Bean and Pumpkin Stew
Looking for blood donor
Hi, I am Angeline. My brother, Aaron Abai has acute leukemia and not treated in Queen Elizabeth hospital. He is on blood transfusion aside from the chemo treatment. The blood bank has run out of supply and am now looking for O + blood donor. If you think you are a potentila donor and would like to donate, please contact me at 019 8621985 . Fifteen minutes of your time can save a life. Please forward to your friends. Thank you!!
I just sent this sms to my friends and relatives, I am hoping the best for him. =D Joyful...joyfull...
I just sent this sms to my friends and relatives, I am hoping the best for him. =D Joyful...joyfull...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Another episode at the ward
I made another trip to ICU and brought lunch for my brother. It's heart clenching to see that he does not want to eat the food my mother prepared. I am finding him very picky on food even though he is sick..lol! Well, at least he is really aware of his surrounding and know he wants. Even though he is difficult to be pleased, I am happy that he is alert.
The doctor has stopped giving him chemo drug (citabine i think) and letting him to recover for bone marrow. I hope within these few days, his white blood count and platelet will rise and show a positive sign of recovering. After that, he will go through bone marrow transplant to replace the lost precursor blood cell. I hope he will get well soon by end of this month or mid-March. I can't wait to see him walking out from the bed.
Right after I left the medical ICU, he was taken for ultrasound to do a check on his liver. He has jaundiced (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaundice) and hope that liver is working well. Chemo drug does so much detrimental to a body aside from killing the leukemia.
Now, I have 10 minutes left before another third round to the ward. Being inside the ward and hearing all the beeping sounds making me more dizzy hehe... I am thankful that during this time, I have relatives around giving great support. Their visits to the ward helps to lighten my load and brings a new atmosphere for my brother. I think he is getting bored of seeing me all the time now. ..haha.
The doctor has stopped giving him chemo drug (citabine i think) and letting him to recover for bone marrow. I hope within these few days, his white blood count and platelet will rise and show a positive sign of recovering. After that, he will go through bone marrow transplant to replace the lost precursor blood cell. I hope he will get well soon by end of this month or mid-March. I can't wait to see him walking out from the bed.
Right after I left the medical ICU, he was taken for ultrasound to do a check on his liver. He has jaundiced (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaundice) and hope that liver is working well. Chemo drug does so much detrimental to a body aside from killing the leukemia.
Now, I have 10 minutes left before another third round to the ward. Being inside the ward and hearing all the beeping sounds making me more dizzy hehe... I am thankful that during this time, I have relatives around giving great support. Their visits to the ward helps to lighten my load and brings a new atmosphere for my brother. I think he is getting bored of seeing me all the time now. ..haha.
Blood donation
Looking for blood donor. The hospital ran out of blood. A patient needs 3-4 packs (400-500 ml) of blood and platelet transfusion. Now asking near relatives and friends. He is O+. I am thankful that most of immediate family and relatives are O type. I wish I could donate my blood to him but I am 'preserving' myself for the bone marrow transplant. I hope I am a match to his bone marrow type ( stg AML 4 antigen) The last time I donated blood was in Penang. I thought one pack is noble act but apparently not sufficient to keep a patient alive. Hehehe.... :D
Finding the Rest of God
There have been couple of days, I find myself waking feel restless just because knowing it is still another day of the similar situation. I always wrestle with myself my effort to visit him in the morning. I have been thinking, what is rest? How to enter the rest in God? I wish that there could be no trouble, then there will be a freedom for rest. Then again, will I totally be at peace in such stagnant rest? To enter the real rest of God is trusting Him and having no worry at all in time of adversity.
Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]
—John 14:27
Concerning entering God's rest I would like to say this: There is no such thing as "the rest of God" without opposition. To illustrate, let me share a story I once heard involving two artists who were asked to paint pictures of peace as they perceived it. One painted a quiet, still lake, far back in the mountains. The other painted a raging, rushing waterfall which had a birch tree leaning out over it with a bird resting in a nest on one of the branches.
Which one truly depicts peace? The second one does, because there is no such thing as peace without opposition. The first painting represents stagnation. The scene it sets forth may be serene; a person might be motivated to want to go there to recuperate. It may offer a pretty picture, but it does not depict "the rest of God." Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you." (John 14:27). His peace is a spiritual peace, and His rest is one that operates in the midst of the storm—not in its absence.
Jesus did not come to remove all opposition from our lives but rather to give us a different approach to the storms of life. We are to take His yoke upon us and learn of Him (See Matthew 11:29). That means that we are to learn His ways, to approach life in the same way He did. Jesus did not worry, and we do not have to worry either!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Meaning of CNY
' Gong Xi Fa Cai! ' My neighbour called out to his friends who just came to visit.
Just the sound of it, it's different meaning than before. I find it more meaningful this time.. it's not just a phrase to be rehearsed and repeated , just because it is the season... it really means something... just the moment being able to visit someone and get to know how they are doing... just a simple knowing a person is smiling means he and she is blessed.
This year, I don't mind not able to celebrate CNY... it's a literary phrase... being with family matters and loving each other is the most important factor now.. occasion is just an occasion and it is nothing without actions and effort in compassion and love.
Just the sound of it, it's different meaning than before. I find it more meaningful this time.. it's not just a phrase to be rehearsed and repeated , just because it is the season... it really means something... just the moment being able to visit someone and get to know how they are doing... just a simple knowing a person is smiling means he and she is blessed.
This year, I don't mind not able to celebrate CNY... it's a literary phrase... being with family matters and loving each other is the most important factor now.. occasion is just an occasion and it is nothing without actions and effort in compassion and love.
ICU
I open my eyes after hearing the word ICU...couldn't wake up peacefully...speechless...it seems that he is under low oxygen and lung infection... things still under control...but I am honestly stressful and worried. I am still hoping the best and trusting God.
am keeping this track ...as a record of everything... I don't know what to do but pray and writing my heart out...a way I feel better about things.
am keeping this track ...as a record of everything... I don't know what to do but pray and writing my heart out...a way I feel better about things.
At the hospital
I am relieved that it is the end of the day. There were so many battles that I think I wouldn't be able to fight them alone if not for the Lord's strength and mercy. Initially, I was restless and wonder how to go through the day especially my emotion when seeing my brother. As I sat at the bench looking at my McD breakfast set, I find myself staring in the zone and wonder how he is doing. Am I prepared to meet him?
On the plane, I became more anxious and restless. I took a book out ' Living the best of life' by Joel Osten and found myself flipping to a page ' Let the Lord fights the battle for you'. I read it's entry and relieved to know that I am not alone and He is with me all the time. The scripture from 2 Chronicle 36: 1-8 shows how much God is in control. I find that I am walking in greater faith and loving Him even more.
Yes, there were many battles today but the Lord is good. I can see how great His love is especially He placed BK and GL with me to comfort me. I am really grateful and thankful that there was BK willingly to fetch me from the airport and find her so sweet and thoughtful. She had the time to bring fruits for my brother and cookies for me. GL was very accommodating in terms of transportation. Without his offer lift home, I would not think I would be in the correct state of mind to drive around KK (after being away and having arrived from KK recently) and possibly end up somewhere else. Thanks G for the lunch!
As I stepped into the hospital and in the haemotology ward, the first time I saw my brother on the bed, the sight of it...he looks so bad yet he look handsome and well built. For first few moments, he was really happy to see me but after that he felt guilty and sad over not being able to make pizza for me. I held my tears and gave him reassurance that we all being together and united during CNY is more important. CNY is not about its tradition, ritual, beliefs but being together is. I am here to support him.
Staying in the ward , just three hours, finally realized it's not an easy job. The constant care and attention to a patient drains my energy but I try not to focus on that. It won't be long that everything gets better and I will be able to see him smile again. That's all that matters to me despite of the tiredness. It's not easy job because have to constantly be aware of the needs, desires and emotion of the patient. I noticed that one needs so much help of hand when bedridden. I now respect the nurses and doctors in the hospital for their hard work.
to be continue... (sleepy)~~
signing off from KK..
On the plane, I became more anxious and restless. I took a book out ' Living the best of life' by Joel Osten and found myself flipping to a page ' Let the Lord fights the battle for you'. I read it's entry and relieved to know that I am not alone and He is with me all the time. The scripture from 2 Chronicle 36: 1-8 shows how much God is in control. I find that I am walking in greater faith and loving Him even more.
Yes, there were many battles today but the Lord is good. I can see how great His love is especially He placed BK and GL with me to comfort me. I am really grateful and thankful that there was BK willingly to fetch me from the airport and find her so sweet and thoughtful. She had the time to bring fruits for my brother and cookies for me. GL was very accommodating in terms of transportation. Without his offer lift home, I would not think I would be in the correct state of mind to drive around KK (after being away and having arrived from KK recently) and possibly end up somewhere else. Thanks G for the lunch!
As I stepped into the hospital and in the haemotology ward, the first time I saw my brother on the bed, the sight of it...he looks so bad yet he look handsome and well built. For first few moments, he was really happy to see me but after that he felt guilty and sad over not being able to make pizza for me. I held my tears and gave him reassurance that we all being together and united during CNY is more important. CNY is not about its tradition, ritual, beliefs but being together is. I am here to support him.
Staying in the ward , just three hours, finally realized it's not an easy job. The constant care and attention to a patient drains my energy but I try not to focus on that. It won't be long that everything gets better and I will be able to see him smile again. That's all that matters to me despite of the tiredness. It's not easy job because have to constantly be aware of the needs, desires and emotion of the patient. I noticed that one needs so much help of hand when bedridden. I now respect the nurses and doctors in the hospital for their hard work.
to be continue... (sleepy)~~
signing off from KK..
Friday, February 12, 2010
Am I doing the right thing?
So now I am sitting at a table and facing the laptop. I keep checking from face book to email. I am feeling bored and thinking what to do. I savor the ample time I now have and thinking about all the things that I could do with the time. However , it is darted by two realities that I am trying to avoid or shun by. I cannot run away and I am standing still like a ship giving it's all might to cut through the stormy waves. From far, one looks at the ship easily crushing through the waves but never occur in his or her mind that the ship actually is crying out loud inside (from the engine). Similarly, I feel myself like that.
Two realities set an uncertain and wearisome heart. One, I still have not accept the truth that my brother is suffering from acute myeloid leukemia because it happened so quickly in three days. How did I feel when I first heard of the news? My first response was definitely shock and second, although I may not understand the situation, I humbly accept the truth and that there is reason behind everything. I truly believe there is no coincident and things happen the way it is already willed. I let it be. Over time, I become more restless and frustration agitated my sense of hope and peace...to only now I come to question...I am not blaming Him but being an understanding friend...I pour out my lament...why why why? Is it fair and what are You trying to do? Please understand...this is never a blaming game but a heart of a disciple Jacob yearning to seek Him and asking for truth....yet the Lord never forsake him and accept his lament as a true loyalty and faith.... hmm.. how to say ... read the book for yourself in the Bible.
Nevertheless, I am putting aside the thought that seeing my brother in his weak state and motionless body, I want to be strong for him. Despite of the unfairness, I putting on a breast plate of love ...in time like this, smile and support is what he needs. I love him too much that my heart acts to see him going through chemo treatment. My brother is a lovely strong and tall boy (he is always the 10 year old boy in my heart).Everyday I tell him that I love him and God is with him all the time. Then..having that said, I feel it is not enough. Easier being said, harder when done.
As I am writing here from laptop, I am thinking if my heart is ready to see him.
As I am writing here from laptop, I still couldn't believe what I did today.
Half day at work, tender in resignation letter in 10 minutes, no goodbyes (one or two to closes colleagues), rushed for a job interview, wrap up everything in apt, dumped clothes into luggage,not a chance of bidding goodbyes to my housemates,left the apt, rush to see my sister before she left for hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year (did I just say Chinese New Year?), now sitting here. ...fuh I can breathe now~~ n I recall Elisa saying ' Take a break ' . Those who know me, I am used to it and the fact that I did everything in a day, is that time I felt more determined and completely sure of what I want to do.
Tomorrow I will be in KK...countdown 17 hours .. to the hospital. All I wanna do is see him......
Note* this is a highly a production of AOA Inc. and whatever content regarding life and death is all just a fiction. All stories proceed to those sharing and concern about the author's disposition. Please absorb at your own risk.
Two realities set an uncertain and wearisome heart. One, I still have not accept the truth that my brother is suffering from acute myeloid leukemia because it happened so quickly in three days. How did I feel when I first heard of the news? My first response was definitely shock and second, although I may not understand the situation, I humbly accept the truth and that there is reason behind everything. I truly believe there is no coincident and things happen the way it is already willed. I let it be. Over time, I become more restless and frustration agitated my sense of hope and peace...to only now I come to question...I am not blaming Him but being an understanding friend...I pour out my lament...why why why? Is it fair and what are You trying to do? Please understand...this is never a blaming game but a heart of a disciple Jacob yearning to seek Him and asking for truth....yet the Lord never forsake him and accept his lament as a true loyalty and faith.... hmm.. how to say ... read the book for yourself in the Bible.
Nevertheless, I am putting aside the thought that seeing my brother in his weak state and motionless body, I want to be strong for him. Despite of the unfairness, I putting on a breast plate of love ...in time like this, smile and support is what he needs. I love him too much that my heart acts to see him going through chemo treatment. My brother is a lovely strong and tall boy (he is always the 10 year old boy in my heart).Everyday I tell him that I love him and God is with him all the time. Then..having that said, I feel it is not enough. Easier being said, harder when done.
As I am writing here from laptop, I am thinking if my heart is ready to see him.
As I am writing here from laptop, I still couldn't believe what I did today.
Half day at work, tender in resignation letter in 10 minutes, no goodbyes (one or two to closes colleagues), rushed for a job interview, wrap up everything in apt, dumped clothes into luggage,not a chance of bidding goodbyes to my housemates,left the apt, rush to see my sister before she left for hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year (did I just say Chinese New Year?), now sitting here. ...fuh I can breathe now~~ n I recall Elisa saying ' Take a break ' . Those who know me, I am used to it and the fact that I did everything in a day, is that time I felt more determined and completely sure of what I want to do.
Tomorrow I will be in KK...countdown 17 hours .. to the hospital. All I wanna do is see him......
Note* this is a highly a production of AOA Inc. and whatever content regarding life and death is all just a fiction. All stories proceed to those sharing and concern about the author's disposition. Please absorb at your own risk.
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