Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Accepting the Fact
It seems that the moment for the situation at home died down , I mean in a clicking of silence. Looking at the situation at home, with mom still on medication and Aaron under observation in the hospital, there is nothing that I can do but to pray about the situation. It may seem that prayers are unanswered and God is in a distance, never a second that I He has forgotten. I believe He is still working behind the scene and it is a matter of time that curtain will be revealed as to the outcome of the event. Mom will be healed and restored in joy , brother's health will regain in momentum for life. Till then, he will be able to finish his study. When time comes when he has gone through the bone marrow transplant ( not decided yet until a donor is found)and after 6 months or so of recovery, he will resume and finish his study for degree. I pray that a donor is found in time for him to be ready for his semester next year. I made a petition to God that if a donor is found soon, I am willing to give or surrender my time, in other words rather my life I pursued here to be back to KK to be with my family. At least, there will be company for my brother and my mother. I don't know whether this would sound like a foolish sacrificial but what more can I offer for my dear family. It seems so easy to made this petition or to sound it in words. No one knows when is the actual timing for it to happen, what if a search for a donor takes longer than expected, then the perpetual waiting torments the heart of the hopeful ones and further wearies the soul for restoration. Despite of that, I shall continue to pray and walk faithfully...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
It's No Surprise to God
TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
"But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always leads us in triumph…"
(2 Corinthians 2:14, AMP)
TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
In life, we all have to deal with the unexpected. Just because we're believers, just because we're good people or doing the right thing doesn't make us exempt from trouble. The scripture says, "The rain falls on the just and the unjust." In times when something unexpected happens, or you find yourself facing a crisis, you don't have to go into "panic mode" or fall apart emotionally. Remember, that crisis is no surprise to God. It may be unexpected to you, but God knows the end from the beginning. He has solutions to problems that you haven't even had. He has equipped you for every battle, and He goes before you making your crooked places straight.
Today, focus on the fact that He is with you. Remember that He is walking with you and guiding you to a place of peace and victory. No matter what has happened, He will take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it around for your good! He always leads us in victory, so keep moving forward trusting in the good plan He has for you!
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, I come to You with an open and humble heart. I thank You for the victory that You have in store for me even when I can't see it. I choose to trust You and Your goodness knowing that You are faithful. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
"But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always leads us in triumph…"
(2 Corinthians 2:14, AMP)
TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
In life, we all have to deal with the unexpected. Just because we're believers, just because we're good people or doing the right thing doesn't make us exempt from trouble. The scripture says, "The rain falls on the just and the unjust." In times when something unexpected happens, or you find yourself facing a crisis, you don't have to go into "panic mode" or fall apart emotionally. Remember, that crisis is no surprise to God. It may be unexpected to you, but God knows the end from the beginning. He has solutions to problems that you haven't even had. He has equipped you for every battle, and He goes before you making your crooked places straight.
Today, focus on the fact that He is with you. Remember that He is walking with you and guiding you to a place of peace and victory. No matter what has happened, He will take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it around for your good! He always leads us in victory, so keep moving forward trusting in the good plan He has for you!
A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, I come to You with an open and humble heart. I thank You for the victory that You have in store for me even when I can't see it. I choose to trust You and Your goodness knowing that You are faithful. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Last day in Kk- 19
Since the last entry I wrote, I was very busy the following days. I couldn't recall what I did but all I remembered was doing all the cooking for my brother every day. My brother has gotten through the 4 days of chemo well, with a slight fever within that period, and now waiting a word from the doctor to be discharge today. My brother doesn't like staying in the hospital and fidgeting to go home as soon as possible. I can understand his feelings because I would not want to stay there myself too. On Friday night, I stayed at the hematology ward throughout the rest of the night to give him accompany. I just sat there just for a few minutes and I felt the boredom already even though I had books with to read. Sleeping in the hospital is not a peaceful environment to be indulged in as nurses and other patients are constantly doing something that pretty much disturb your sleep.
Well, these days doing cooking it is not easy to do 3 meals a day. I practically have one hour or two for personal time and wasn't enough to do my own things. During this time, I have gained a perspective which I have never comprehended before. Taking the role of my mother as the housewife of the family is not an easy task to do. Mother is still lying in the room and without her presence in the kitchen to advice me over my cooking, I had to experience all on my own understanding and learning. I cut my finger while deboning a whole chicken, I burned my dhal and chicken teriyaki while my mind was on other things, cooked funny tasting herbal chicken bone soup, rice turned out slushy, unraised banana cake etc. LOL.. I wonder where are all my cooking skills, I remembered these are all the dishes always good at cooking.
...to be continue (off to market to buy things) I will write about the experience as a full time mother at home or so it seems like that as a daughter working at home for the family
Well, these days doing cooking it is not easy to do 3 meals a day. I practically have one hour or two for personal time and wasn't enough to do my own things. During this time, I have gained a perspective which I have never comprehended before. Taking the role of my mother as the housewife of the family is not an easy task to do. Mother is still lying in the room and without her presence in the kitchen to advice me over my cooking, I had to experience all on my own understanding and learning. I cut my finger while deboning a whole chicken, I burned my dhal and chicken teriyaki while my mind was on other things, cooked funny tasting herbal chicken bone soup, rice turned out slushy, unraised banana cake etc. LOL.. I wonder where are all my cooking skills, I remembered these are all the dishes always good at cooking.
...to be continue (off to market to buy things) I will write about the experience as a full time mother at home or so it seems like that as a daughter working at home for the family
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Burdened heart
I can't help it. I feel helpless. I do not know what to do. I see mom with her sad face and all the depressing words she uttered from her mouth; the vivid memo graphic of her head frowning, crying and helplessness really test my patience. Other than making her a glass of milk, encouraging her with positive words, and giving her medicine I feel helpless because I cannot do more than that. I want to make her happy, yet, I have done the best I could to attend to her. I tried encouraging her gently by guiding her hand while assuring her to stand up for a walk around the room, or perhaps out from the room. Seeing her just lying on the bed motionless really breaks my heart. I have not known her that way before. I remember she always nag around the house and making herself busy with house chores and meal cooking. I missed her presence walking around the house.
I feel very heavy burdened about my mother's situation, yet, I believe everything is well in God's hand. He is my strength through this adversity.
Aaron has started today as the first day of his 5th chemo treatment. He looks stronger and much better than he used to be. I was there for his 1st chemo and things were very complicated yet thanks to be the Lord that he was able to go through the pain and suffering well. He is a good and strong boy.
Today, I had to cook lunch and dinner for Aaron. It is tiring and I may lost the perspective of cooking too much ( you will come to a point that you cannot remember what and how to cook) so I decided to find a way to loosen a little bit and to celebrate my progress of cooking all sorts of dishes by chilling at Yoyo for a iced blended red bean with pearl and good chat with my cousins.
I feel very heavy burdened about my mother's situation, yet, I believe everything is well in God's hand. He is my strength through this adversity.
Aaron has started today as the first day of his 5th chemo treatment. He looks stronger and much better than he used to be. I was there for his 1st chemo and things were very complicated yet thanks to be the Lord that he was able to go through the pain and suffering well. He is a good and strong boy.
Today, I had to cook lunch and dinner for Aaron. It is tiring and I may lost the perspective of cooking too much ( you will come to a point that you cannot remember what and how to cook) so I decided to find a way to loosen a little bit and to celebrate my progress of cooking all sorts of dishes by chilling at Yoyo for a iced blended red bean with pearl and good chat with my cousins.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Mom's Case on Anxiety Disorder
I am back to KL now after 5 days staying in KK just to be home to settle family matters. Mom is down with generalized anxiety disorder and has been given almost 3 weeks medication for a duration of 6 months recovery. This type of disorder is said to take that long to recover. I believe it all depends on the patient to have revelation back to normal.
Back at home, I tried to give as much encouragement, positive words and speak the truth to her as much as possible. I cooked dinner so that my mom, dad, brother , and his gf would sit together for a meal. We don't have the custom of eating together. I actually would like to see my family sit down over a meal and fellowship nicely. It is not common to see such custom happening now. I guess now it is because my brother needs 3 complete meal a day for his body to replenish blood ( after chemotherapy ) that it was necessary to cook meals for him. Naturally, all other family members come to join in the dinner. 3 dishes are always served on the table.
Mom has completely stopped cooking, gardening , doing housechores and anything that she used to love doing. She keeps lying on her bed in a dark room and some time could feel so uneasy about herself. She would think that she has sore throat, stomachache, heartburns and others when actually doctor has checked that she is completely well. That is the illusion of a person who is depressed and practically thinks cannot do anything at all and thinks she is dying soon etch..all the negative thinking.
Honestly, it is really really really sad to see mom like that especially her tantrums she throws at my dad when he gives her medicine. She thought that we are trying to poison her to death. When I look at mom's face, I have never seen her being so pale, sad , thin and she looked 'lost'. I can't feel the connection when one sees into a person's eyes. However, I always try to see her as a normal person , the person she is then focusing on her illnesses. Although at times it can be frustrating to distinguish which part of her is coming from her real self or the illness, it is always best to speak positively and gently to her. I read that this disorder manifested due to accumulated and retained fear in the brain that at final stage, became irritability, shaking etc... read more on wikipedia.
It is grieving to hear that one with this disease would take 6 months only to full recovery. I hope it doesn't take that long for month. I do not worry about my mom and brother so much because it is no use. In my heart, there is a constant prayer for them knowing that they are fighting this illness at home. I wish to be there for them all the time but it is a good reason to stay away from home's sad atmosphere so that I can always give them encouragement from far in renewed and refreshed mind.
I do not know what are the reason of all this and whether or not changes done would readjust my family. I do pray that over time, dad will have good understanding over mom's suffering and needs as well as good communication with brother. I pray that there are no strife or resentment kept in their hearts.
Now that I have poured out all the concerns in my heart... I trust the Lord fighting this battle for us. Amen.
Lesson learned: When I was at home, before mom was down with this illness, I couldn't stand mom nagging at me or ordering me to do things in the house, now if I see her talking like she used to (with the illness) I don't mind just keep quiet and listen to her. I obey whatever she said as long as I hear that voice than seeing her mute.
Back at home, I tried to give as much encouragement, positive words and speak the truth to her as much as possible. I cooked dinner so that my mom, dad, brother , and his gf would sit together for a meal. We don't have the custom of eating together. I actually would like to see my family sit down over a meal and fellowship nicely. It is not common to see such custom happening now. I guess now it is because my brother needs 3 complete meal a day for his body to replenish blood ( after chemotherapy ) that it was necessary to cook meals for him. Naturally, all other family members come to join in the dinner. 3 dishes are always served on the table.
Mom has completely stopped cooking, gardening , doing housechores and anything that she used to love doing. She keeps lying on her bed in a dark room and some time could feel so uneasy about herself. She would think that she has sore throat, stomachache, heartburns and others when actually doctor has checked that she is completely well. That is the illusion of a person who is depressed and practically thinks cannot do anything at all and thinks she is dying soon etch..all the negative thinking.
Honestly, it is really really really sad to see mom like that especially her tantrums she throws at my dad when he gives her medicine. She thought that we are trying to poison her to death. When I look at mom's face, I have never seen her being so pale, sad , thin and she looked 'lost'. I can't feel the connection when one sees into a person's eyes. However, I always try to see her as a normal person , the person she is then focusing on her illnesses. Although at times it can be frustrating to distinguish which part of her is coming from her real self or the illness, it is always best to speak positively and gently to her. I read that this disorder manifested due to accumulated and retained fear in the brain that at final stage, became irritability, shaking etc... read more on wikipedia.
It is grieving to hear that one with this disease would take 6 months only to full recovery. I hope it doesn't take that long for month. I do not worry about my mom and brother so much because it is no use. In my heart, there is a constant prayer for them knowing that they are fighting this illness at home. I wish to be there for them all the time but it is a good reason to stay away from home's sad atmosphere so that I can always give them encouragement from far in renewed and refreshed mind.
I do not know what are the reason of all this and whether or not changes done would readjust my family. I do pray that over time, dad will have good understanding over mom's suffering and needs as well as good communication with brother. I pray that there are no strife or resentment kept in their hearts.
Now that I have poured out all the concerns in my heart... I trust the Lord fighting this battle for us. Amen.
Lesson learned: When I was at home, before mom was down with this illness, I couldn't stand mom nagging at me or ordering me to do things in the house, now if I see her talking like she used to (with the illness) I don't mind just keep quiet and listen to her. I obey whatever she said as long as I hear that voice than seeing her mute.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Dear Mom
Dear Mom
You gotta fight back. The battle is in your mind. Don't surrender to your own depressing world. Life is more than that. I understand how much you have sacrifice for the family. It is not worth losing yourself to worries and anxiety when you can be happy and encouraging. I will be there for you as soon as I can ya.
Love,
Angie
You gotta fight back. The battle is in your mind. Don't surrender to your own depressing world. Life is more than that. I understand how much you have sacrifice for the family. It is not worth losing yourself to worries and anxiety when you can be happy and encouraging. I will be there for you as soon as I can ya.
Love,
Angie
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Brother Back to Chemo
My brother is going back to chemo for the fourth time next Wednesday. It will be a four day drug administered to him with a lesser dose of the same regimen. I am going to fast for him during these four days. Lord, You are good in healing hand.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Gaining strength through adversity
Today, I am so burdened with many worries in my life. I usually very sure that God is with me and working things out. However, I feel so much pressure today mainly because of these thought: when will God deliver my family and how long would it take? How much more would this sickness affect my family.
It is not easy to be the only one thinking positively in the family. Mom and dad worry about my brother so much that they are not getting peaceful mind everyday. The last time I saw dad he has lost a lot of weight. A few days back, mom called me about her visit to the doctor and she was prescribed drugs for depression.
With all these, I do not know what to do now as the only sister who is available to help the family. My heart is for my family and long to be with them and yet I love my work life here in KL.
Before I graduated, the Lord put a calling in my heart to minister and serve my family back in Malaysia. Should I take up the call, I do not know. I am rebelling to receive the call and yet I know I cannot run away now. I keep praying that the Lord to show me directions.
It is not easy to be the only one thinking positively in the family. Mom and dad worry about my brother so much that they are not getting peaceful mind everyday. The last time I saw dad he has lost a lot of weight. A few days back, mom called me about her visit to the doctor and she was prescribed drugs for depression.
With all these, I do not know what to do now as the only sister who is available to help the family. My heart is for my family and long to be with them and yet I love my work life here in KL.
Before I graduated, the Lord put a calling in my heart to minister and serve my family back in Malaysia. Should I take up the call, I do not know. I am rebelling to receive the call and yet I know I cannot run away now. I keep praying that the Lord to show me directions.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Third Chemo treatment
Brother is on a third chemo treatment. I got a phone call from mom asking for prayer. This time around, stronger drugs are ministered to my brother. First drug will be given for two days and second for four days. In other words, two stronger drugs are administered for the first two days and the last two days ends with the second drugs.
I heard from mom that Aaron gets tired easily and sleep throughout the day. Unlike previous treatment he is more unconcious.
Although I don't like going through this season where my brother is in the hospital, I believe the LOrd is doing something and I must remain in faith. Amen
I heard from mom that Aaron gets tired easily and sleep throughout the day. Unlike previous treatment he is more unconcious.
Although I don't like going through this season where my brother is in the hospital, I believe the LOrd is doing something and I must remain in faith. Amen
Friday, April 30, 2010
Good news
Dad wrote me an email and informed about my brother's situation. After the incident whereby my brother could not response to the transfusion, it's a relieved to here that his body is building platlet slowly. The doctor said that his bone marrow is too dry and so wasn't able to make platlet. Praise God to hear that his platelet reading rises after the stop of transfusion. I pray that the Lord continue to protect and heal him. In time like this, I am surrendering my worries into His hands because He is the only who can look after him since I am away. I am really really happy to hear this news and positive that things are turning out great.
Thanks for reading
Thanks for reading
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Stop The transfusion
It has been a long day for me at work today. Despite of that, I took the time to text message my brother to ask how he is doing in the ward. I understand that he is on a platelet transfusion. I wonder how many packets that he needs to finish with and he needed four packs ( about 350 ml a pack). He said that there was no change in platlet reading after the transfusion. It was surprising and I suggest him to check with the doctor if he could have his blood sample tested in another pathology lab. Sometimes, the spectrometry device can be faulty in doing cell count.
The doctor had him checked and also wonder why there was not response from his body to the platlet being transfused. She stop the transfusion and figuring out what to do next.
I personally feel that being a doctor is not easy or either it's tiring that one could overlook a patient's situation. For example, the doctor could have noticed the unchanged platlet reading earlier on during my brother's first chemo treatment (because I notice there wasn't any change or rise in the platlet count - for once I felt that I am making use of my knowledge as biotechnologist here)but only notice it now. Isn't it too late to know now. Then, my brother would not have gone to the hospital and being medicated when it wasn't necessary at all if other method was given. For the patient, it saves him or her from emotional baggage.
Having this said, I pray that the Lord gives wisdom to the doctors who are treating my brother. I pray that they have the clear vision, understanding and conscience in deciding the type medical treatment to give to my brother.
The doctor had him checked and also wonder why there was not response from his body to the platlet being transfused. She stop the transfusion and figuring out what to do next.
I personally feel that being a doctor is not easy or either it's tiring that one could overlook a patient's situation. For example, the doctor could have noticed the unchanged platlet reading earlier on during my brother's first chemo treatment (because I notice there wasn't any change or rise in the platlet count - for once I felt that I am making use of my knowledge as biotechnologist here)but only notice it now. Isn't it too late to know now. Then, my brother would not have gone to the hospital and being medicated when it wasn't necessary at all if other method was given. For the patient, it saves him or her from emotional baggage.
Having this said, I pray that the Lord gives wisdom to the doctors who are treating my brother. I pray that they have the clear vision, understanding and conscience in deciding the type medical treatment to give to my brother.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Bro back to hospital
It's really a grief to hear and rather a shock actually that my brother admitted to hospital again yesterday ( and only came to know today after I made a phone call) for platelet transfusion. The recent blood test result shows that the range of platelet count below the minimum reading. I remember he just got back home after his second chemo treatment and now he is back to hospital. Sometimes i wonder how long can my brother has the patience of going back to hospital back and fro... I myself just hearing him going back there already I can understand the grief he is going through..
Sunday, April 25, 2010
There is Hope
Hi hi..I got a book and a CD 'There is Hope' from a friend. I was so excited when I got it because I like reading and haven't got a chance of doing so these past few weeks. I was thinking about what sort of Christian book to get from the bookstore but then again I didn't have the money to buy one. This one came in a good time for me to rekindle my spirit for reading. :D
Thank you Blueprint for the kind thought, I will definitely enjoy the book
Thank you Blueprint for the kind thought, I will definitely enjoy the book
Thursday, April 22, 2010
God is good
God is good all the time. God is good.
In time like this I can't help but to remember the love of God pouring on me and my surroundings. I always thank Him for everything around me bad or good, there are reasons for everything. Just remember to see them positively.
My brother , for a week , was in the hospital for his second chemo treatment. He is back home now and there was no complication this time compared to the first treatment. It was a relieve knowing that he is doing fine and responding to the drug well. I pray that this time will come to an end with a joy knowing that he is recovered from his sickness. I believe the Lord is protecting him and healing him. I am praying for a donor that he would have the match for bone marrow. Please help me to pray for him for a donor match.
thanks for reading and for all your support. :D love love~~~ muacks!
In time like this I can't help but to remember the love of God pouring on me and my surroundings. I always thank Him for everything around me bad or good, there are reasons for everything. Just remember to see them positively.
My brother , for a week , was in the hospital for his second chemo treatment. He is back home now and there was no complication this time compared to the first treatment. It was a relieve knowing that he is doing fine and responding to the drug well. I pray that this time will come to an end with a joy knowing that he is recovered from his sickness. I believe the Lord is protecting him and healing him. I am praying for a donor that he would have the match for bone marrow. Please help me to pray for him for a donor match.
thanks for reading and for all your support. :D love love~~~ muacks!
Monday, April 12, 2010
2nd Chemo
It's been just over a month since I last wrote. Honestly I miss writing it is always a relieve to be able to write my heart out. Something that I won't be able to feel if I were to say things out verbally.
Well, my brother is on a second chemo tomorrow. He is already admitted to the hospital today into the same ward as before on the same bed as last time. If it is was me, I would definitely feel so reluctant to go back after all these times, I were able to play games, go out eating, and meeting friends. It really takes a lot of courage to be back there.
There are couple of things which you can pray for:
new courage and strength for my brother as he prepares for the treatment tomorrow.
a breakthrough for his recovery so that the session would be a short one
good companion throughout his stay in the hospital
Thanks for reading.
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Life in KL is tough when you are doing it all alone in your own strength. Where to find God's presence when you are distracted by concerns, worries and doubts. One must learn to let go these burden to come before the Lord. I pray I am able to keep in track with everything.
Well, my brother is on a second chemo tomorrow. He is already admitted to the hospital today into the same ward as before on the same bed as last time. If it is was me, I would definitely feel so reluctant to go back after all these times, I were able to play games, go out eating, and meeting friends. It really takes a lot of courage to be back there.
There are couple of things which you can pray for:
new courage and strength for my brother as he prepares for the treatment tomorrow.
a breakthrough for his recovery so that the session would be a short one
good companion throughout his stay in the hospital
Thanks for reading.
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Life in KL is tough when you are doing it all alone in your own strength. Where to find God's presence when you are distracted by concerns, worries and doubts. One must learn to let go these burden to come before the Lord. I pray I am able to keep in track with everything.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Bone Marrow not a match
The result of the blood test sent to KL for bone marrow match screening is out. There is no match for both my sister and I to my brother's stem cell type. I don't know what to say about this but I knew it beforehand that the chances are low. I studied about immune system and stem cells are not so much genetically related because it depends on the individual's body needs to defend its system. God is smart , come to think about it, each of us is so unique (albeit physically) from appearance up to minuscule of our cells. God is good in His creation and that is why He sees it good.
Back to the point, I can start to feel restless but I am not going to and totally seeing the positive side. Although the search might be cumbersome, with so much sources out there, I am sure it is possible to find a match for my brother. He will go through 3 months of interval healing and chemo treatment. Meanwhile, I will try my best to find matching bone marrow.
As of now, will look into immediate relatives and family. My cousins can go for test since their are closest related. :) I hope to know more about the result so that I can check brother's exact stem type.
Back to the point, I can start to feel restless but I am not going to and totally seeing the positive side. Although the search might be cumbersome, with so much sources out there, I am sure it is possible to find a match for my brother. He will go through 3 months of interval healing and chemo treatment. Meanwhile, I will try my best to find matching bone marrow.
As of now, will look into immediate relatives and family. My cousins can go for test since their are closest related. :) I hope to know more about the result so that I can check brother's exact stem type.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
First the Suffering
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace [Who imparts all blessing and favor], Who has called you to His [own] eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you.
— 1 Peter 5:10
“Why do we have to suffer?” “If God truly loves us, why do all the bad things happen to us?” I hear such questions often. For thousands of years, people smarter than I am have wrestled with those questions, and they still haven’t discovered the answers. I don’t even try to answer the questions. I do make one comment, however: “If God only blessed us after we became believers—if He took away all suffering, hardship, and turmoil for Christians—wouldn’t it be a way to bribe people into the faith?”
That’s not the way God works. The Lord wants us to come to Him out of love and because we know we’re needy—so needy that only He can fill those needs for us.
The reality is that from the time of birth until we go home to be with Jesus, we will suffer at times. Some have harder tasks than others, but suffering is still suffering.
I also think that when people watch us as we turn to God for help in our hardships and they see our victories, it provides a witness to them. That witness may not always make them turn to Christ, but it does show God’s presence in our lives and makes them aware of what they’re missing.
Yes, we will suffer. The other day I had a new thought: Suffering results in thanksgiving. When our lives turn chaotic and we don’t know what to do, we turn to the Lord for help, and He answers our prayers and sets us free. God speaks to us and comforts us. And the result is that we’re thankful.
The time between suffering and thanksgiving is wh
en the devil truly attacks our thoughts. He may begin by saying, “If God really loved you, you would not have to go through this.” It’s a subtle way of saying to us that serving God is useless. The truth is, we’ll have problems if we’re believers; we’ll have problems if we’re nonbelievers. But as believers, we’ll also have victories. As believers in Jesus Christ, we can have peace in the midst of the storm. We can enjoy our lives during the hardships because we truly believe that God is working on our behalf to bring deliverance.
The next attack of Satan is to whisper, “It’s not going to get better. You have served God for nothing. See, this is what happens when you really need help and trust God. He doesn’t care about you. If He truly cared, why would He allow you to suffer?”
This is where we have to stand firm. We can take courage from the story of Job. Few of us have suffered as he did—he lost his children, his possessions, and his health. His critics accused him of hypocrisy and deception. Because we know how Satan works, we realize that his so-called friends were tools of Satan. I’m sure they didn’t realize they were being used by the devil to discourage Job. But just because they weren’t aware, doesn’t mean Satan didn’t use them.
However, Job, a godly man, refused to listen. He said, “[. . . though He slay me, yet will I wait for and trust Him . . .]” (Job 13:15). He refused to allow Satan to attack his mind and make him question God. He didn’t understand what God had done. There’s no indication that Job ever understood. But one thing he knew, God was with him and he never doubted the love and presence of God.
That’s the attitude we want—that calm assurance of God’s love that says, “Though He slay me, yet will I wait for and trust Him.” We don’t have to understand or explain. In fact, I’ve heard it said this way, “Obedience is required; understanding is optional.”
Finally, if we suffer, it just may be a powerful reminder that we are walking the same paths as some of God’s greatest saints. Even in Peter’s time, they suffered. In their case, it was Roman persecution; in our case, it may be people who don’t understand us, or family members who turn against us. Regardless, suffering can and should end in thanksgiving.
Pray this...
My Master and my God, forgive me for always wanting the easy life. I admit that I don’t want to suffer, and I don’t like it when things go wrong. But I ask You to help me have a good attitude and to trust You to bring good out of it. I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
From the book Battlefield of the Mind: 100 Insights That Will Change the Way You Think by Joyce Meyer. Copyright © 2005 by Joyce Meyer. Published by FaithWords. All rights reserved.
— 1 Peter 5:10
“Why do we have to suffer?” “If God truly loves us, why do all the bad things happen to us?” I hear such questions often. For thousands of years, people smarter than I am have wrestled with those questions, and they still haven’t discovered the answers. I don’t even try to answer the questions. I do make one comment, however: “If God only blessed us after we became believers—if He took away all suffering, hardship, and turmoil for Christians—wouldn’t it be a way to bribe people into the faith?”
That’s not the way God works. The Lord wants us to come to Him out of love and because we know we’re needy—so needy that only He can fill those needs for us.
The reality is that from the time of birth until we go home to be with Jesus, we will suffer at times. Some have harder tasks than others, but suffering is still suffering.
I also think that when people watch us as we turn to God for help in our hardships and they see our victories, it provides a witness to them. That witness may not always make them turn to Christ, but it does show God’s presence in our lives and makes them aware of what they’re missing.
Yes, we will suffer. The other day I had a new thought: Suffering results in thanksgiving. When our lives turn chaotic and we don’t know what to do, we turn to the Lord for help, and He answers our prayers and sets us free. God speaks to us and comforts us. And the result is that we’re thankful.
The time between suffering and thanksgiving is wh
en the devil truly attacks our thoughts. He may begin by saying, “If God really loved you, you would not have to go through this.” It’s a subtle way of saying to us that serving God is useless. The truth is, we’ll have problems if we’re believers; we’ll have problems if we’re nonbelievers. But as believers, we’ll also have victories. As believers in Jesus Christ, we can have peace in the midst of the storm. We can enjoy our lives during the hardships because we truly believe that God is working on our behalf to bring deliverance.
The next attack of Satan is to whisper, “It’s not going to get better. You have served God for nothing. See, this is what happens when you really need help and trust God. He doesn’t care about you. If He truly cared, why would He allow you to suffer?”
This is where we have to stand firm. We can take courage from the story of Job. Few of us have suffered as he did—he lost his children, his possessions, and his health. His critics accused him of hypocrisy and deception. Because we know how Satan works, we realize that his so-called friends were tools of Satan. I’m sure they didn’t realize they were being used by the devil to discourage Job. But just because they weren’t aware, doesn’t mean Satan didn’t use them.
However, Job, a godly man, refused to listen. He said, “[. . . though He slay me, yet will I wait for and trust Him . . .]” (Job 13:15). He refused to allow Satan to attack his mind and make him question God. He didn’t understand what God had done. There’s no indication that Job ever understood. But one thing he knew, God was with him and he never doubted the love and presence of God.
That’s the attitude we want—that calm assurance of God’s love that says, “Though He slay me, yet will I wait for and trust Him.” We don’t have to understand or explain. In fact, I’ve heard it said this way, “Obedience is required; understanding is optional.”
Finally, if we suffer, it just may be a powerful reminder that we are walking the same paths as some of God’s greatest saints. Even in Peter’s time, they suffered. In their case, it was Roman persecution; in our case, it may be people who don’t understand us, or family members who turn against us. Regardless, suffering can and should end in thanksgiving.
Pray this...
My Master and my God, forgive me for always wanting the easy life. I admit that I don’t want to suffer, and I don’t like it when things go wrong. But I ask You to help me have a good attitude and to trust You to bring good out of it. I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
From the book Battlefield of the Mind: 100 Insights That Will Change the Way You Think by Joyce Meyer. Copyright © 2005 by Joyce Meyer. Published by FaithWords. All rights reserved.
Despair... the mild one
Hmm.. never thought I would find this time of the season a difficult one for me. Small things like this never brings me down when every time I know God is in charge and provide for my needs. I had always feel the joy, optimism, and being positive of everything including the people around me.
After the stagnant season with my brother, my perspective on things around me change drastically especially now I am back to KL. I find myself having difficulty connecting and participating in the environment and people around me. I hope that I am able to feel the passion for life again.
I am going to start my job on 1 April and desperately needing a place to stay. I pray that Lord provide that suitable place for me. I would like to be in a place where I can cook and enjoy the food with good companion. I am looking for a room of a house to stay. I love the feeling of doing gardening in the front porch and stay near LRT. Since I am going to be permanent here, I thought spending good amount of time in searching for accommodation is a worthwhile thing to do.
Cheers~~
After the stagnant season with my brother, my perspective on things around me change drastically especially now I am back to KL. I find myself having difficulty connecting and participating in the environment and people around me. I hope that I am able to feel the passion for life again.
I am going to start my job on 1 April and desperately needing a place to stay. I pray that Lord provide that suitable place for me. I would like to be in a place where I can cook and enjoy the food with good companion. I am looking for a room of a house to stay. I love the feeling of doing gardening in the front porch and stay near LRT. Since I am going to be permanent here, I thought spending good amount of time in searching for accommodation is a worthwhile thing to do.
Cheers~~
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Good bye KK
It has been a week since I last wrote. This stretch of time seems like ages to me. I have enjoyed so much and yet also took a long time for decisions to be made.
I am leaving KK today and I had booked my flight to KL at 4.30 pm online previous two days. I was indecisive about the date of going, however, I just placed my reservation based on the cheapest fare available and board MAS airline in the evening. I do not know how to wrap up my last day here before leave KK. To recall all the things I have been through here, especially together with my family members during the unusual Chinese New Year, no words can describe the tension, care, love, struggles, challenges, prayers, family and relatives visits, blessings, memories and all others that came to pass. It seems that a breath can't even summaries the whole deal about this season of life.
Even as I am writing right now, knowing the fact that I am leaving today, I do not feel any sense of peace transitioning my life in KL. Firstly, although my brother is capable of going through the second treatment here in KK (how we came to this decision will write about it later) and requires less of my help ( yes my role is coming to an end - missing it) I will not feel the relief until the day he declared free from the disease to a total healing. I wish I could be here for him until he is well , however, I need to move on to other things now. (Love my dear brother so much!)
There are many things I wanted to do today!! Gonna cook one last meal for my brother before I fly hehe...this past three days, he has been making burger buns and each try is getting better and better. These buns goes well with alfredo sauce and hummus dips (yeah made this sauce ) and my brother specially request me to make dhal after hearing my dad liking it so much. huahahaha there is a secret ingreditent to every recipes ;p
Anyways...things I wanna do today...a visit to the beach 15 minutes away, a quick walk or drive around downtown to get some souviniers, grocery shopping, and once done with packing, just relax and enjoy the heat from the sun (lol) plus goodbyes to mom and dad... today is a good day and I am loving it :D
I am leaving KK today and I had booked my flight to KL at 4.30 pm online previous two days. I was indecisive about the date of going, however, I just placed my reservation based on the cheapest fare available and board MAS airline in the evening. I do not know how to wrap up my last day here before leave KK. To recall all the things I have been through here, especially together with my family members during the unusual Chinese New Year, no words can describe the tension, care, love, struggles, challenges, prayers, family and relatives visits, blessings, memories and all others that came to pass. It seems that a breath can't even summaries the whole deal about this season of life.
Even as I am writing right now, knowing the fact that I am leaving today, I do not feel any sense of peace transitioning my life in KL. Firstly, although my brother is capable of going through the second treatment here in KK (how we came to this decision will write about it later) and requires less of my help ( yes my role is coming to an end - missing it) I will not feel the relief until the day he declared free from the disease to a total healing. I wish I could be here for him until he is well , however, I need to move on to other things now. (Love my dear brother so much!)
There are many things I wanted to do today!! Gonna cook one last meal for my brother before I fly hehe...this past three days, he has been making burger buns and each try is getting better and better. These buns goes well with alfredo sauce and hummus dips (yeah made this sauce ) and my brother specially request me to make dhal after hearing my dad liking it so much. huahahaha there is a secret ingreditent to every recipes ;p
Anyways...things I wanna do today...a visit to the beach 15 minutes away, a quick walk or drive around downtown to get some souviniers, grocery shopping, and once done with packing, just relax and enjoy the heat from the sun (lol) plus goodbyes to mom and dad... today is a good day and I am loving it :D
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
He is home!
I am so so relieved to see him home. Yesterday, I was really exhilarated to hear from the doctor saying that my brother could go home the next day. Just hearing that phrase melts everything or the burden I have in my heart away. I felt lighter and breath better but at same time become so tired right away. One thing I notice that I have all the appetite to eat. Whatever food I saw people eating I feel like having the same thing too! Pass few days, although I eat, I usually couldn't finish my food and now I see myself gobbling down everything (to a mediocre of course hehe).
Anyway, my brother is back home and there are challenges to overcome. Doctor gave him so many medicine to take and he has to becareful with the food and hygiene. On Thursday, he will go back to hospital for another bone marrow check up to see if there is any cancer cell. Sometime around next week, we will go to KL for him to continue the rest of chemo treatment. It will be another adjustment back in KL now.
KL here I come! Hehe..
Anyway, my brother is back home and there are challenges to overcome. Doctor gave him so many medicine to take and he has to becareful with the food and hygiene. On Thursday, he will go back to hospital for another bone marrow check up to see if there is any cancer cell. Sometime around next week, we will go to KL for him to continue the rest of chemo treatment. It will be another adjustment back in KL now.
KL here I come! Hehe..
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Rejoice!
I know I have not been writing for many days and I am excited to share the good news the Lord has done for my family. Rejoice I say to His almighty name, for the Lord is good!
Two nights ago, I was at the hospital as usual to bring him dinner from home. When I was there, the nurse informed us that she would have two nurses from the haemotology ward to move Aaron to the normal ward. At first, I thought if his move would impede his recovery. Now , it has been over two days he is in the normal and I praise the Lord that he is recovering well. It's a joy to see him sitting up on the bed with folded legs and now breathing without the aid of oxygen supply, I rejoice to see his cheerfulness, voracious appetite and elevated talk that fills in the ward: this is small moments just show that he is back in action!
Doctor said that he can return home after a week or two since he is recovering in a fast speed. I was so happy upon hearing this. It is good to have him back home. However, he still needs to be treated with chemo after his immune systems strengthens. The treatment is to make sure that all the bad cells ( aka leukemia) dies before supplemented with stem cells from bone marrow donor. I pray that my coming blood test tomorrow will find a stem match for him. The stem cells comes from the peripheral blood cells and said to be safer than the conventional bone marrow transplant.
Dad is getting doctor to refer Aaron to a hospital in KL. The doctor suggested transferring him to Hospital Ampang (do you know if the treatment and service is good over there?I need feedbacks.) for the rest of his chemo treatment. The hospital is the National Haemotology of Malaysia , however, I would like to look into other hospitals like university hospital. I will not know when is the exact date that my brother will head to KL and there are many things to consider.Once he is on chemo and becoming weak again, he needs intensive care and I hope I am able to provide the care that he needs despite of my working schedule (if I am to start working). Mom and dad will come over to KL to take care of him too. Since they are new in KL, I will have to assist them and guide them around KL.
Thank you for those who have been praying for my brother. I really appreciate it. :D God bless you!
Two nights ago, I was at the hospital as usual to bring him dinner from home. When I was there, the nurse informed us that she would have two nurses from the haemotology ward to move Aaron to the normal ward. At first, I thought if his move would impede his recovery. Now , it has been over two days he is in the normal and I praise the Lord that he is recovering well. It's a joy to see him sitting up on the bed with folded legs and now breathing without the aid of oxygen supply, I rejoice to see his cheerfulness, voracious appetite and elevated talk that fills in the ward: this is small moments just show that he is back in action!
Doctor said that he can return home after a week or two since he is recovering in a fast speed. I was so happy upon hearing this. It is good to have him back home. However, he still needs to be treated with chemo after his immune systems strengthens. The treatment is to make sure that all the bad cells ( aka leukemia) dies before supplemented with stem cells from bone marrow donor. I pray that my coming blood test tomorrow will find a stem match for him. The stem cells comes from the peripheral blood cells and said to be safer than the conventional bone marrow transplant.
Dad is getting doctor to refer Aaron to a hospital in KL. The doctor suggested transferring him to Hospital Ampang (do you know if the treatment and service is good over there?I need feedbacks.) for the rest of his chemo treatment. The hospital is the National Haemotology of Malaysia , however, I would like to look into other hospitals like university hospital. I will not know when is the exact date that my brother will head to KL and there are many things to consider.Once he is on chemo and becoming weak again, he needs intensive care and I hope I am able to provide the care that he needs despite of my working schedule (if I am to start working). Mom and dad will come over to KL to take care of him too. Since they are new in KL, I will have to assist them and guide them around KL.
Thank you for those who have been praying for my brother. I really appreciate it. :D God bless you!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Cheerful moment
Ahhh....it's good to be home, once again after hours of stay in the hospital. It's 9 pm now and still can't register what I did today. All I know is that I have been concentrating doing things for my brother.
Initially, I plan to stay at home in the morning to get some stuff done. Then, dad needed me to be there at the ward and pass him something. I was looking forward spending the time in the morning digesting my own errands. Anyway, I left the house right away after getting dad's call and reached there in time for him to have money to pay for the immigration officer to issue Aaron's new passport later in the day.Actually, dad just stopped by at the KK imigration office to ask if Aaron could have his passport made without having to be physically there in the office. Dad was then nicely assisted by two officers who willing to see Aaron's for thumbprint. (5 years = RM 300)I was really shock to see officers wearing a black jacket in the ward.
For the rest of the day, I was with CP and spend the noon time at Servey Likas supermarket buying stationaries and materials. They were for Aaron's birthday tomorrow.After we had lunch at home, we made the decorations ( Happy Birthday wordings cut out from cardboard)in two hours. I say we did a good job and the wordings were nicely hung on the curtain rail, further above Aaron's bed. The atmosphere of the ward changed to a cheerful ambience and really makes everything look different...at least one doesn't feel the sorrow and silence. Aaron was really surprised and speechless seeing us putting up the decoration. Recalling the moment, he is going to have a special birthday celebration in the hospital which I don't think it's common to do among us. I left a bowl of chocolates on the table and they are for grabs for whoever come by Aaron's ward...hehe.
I am really happy to see Aaron today. He is not on oxygen ventilator now but he is still attached to an oxygen aid (the one you see tubes with two outlet attached right under the nostrils). He is much more livelier than yesterday and in fact had such a great appetite that he just gobbled down the pasta I cooked as his dinner. Just the sight of seeing him eating and appreciating every single bite of it made my heart leaps in joy. For the first time, I actually watched and stared at someone enjoying their food. When I looked at him, that moment seem to stop for me...
=D
The doctor is still finding out the causes of his jaundice. The nurse will do blood test from him tomorrow and have the sample send to private lab to check for Hepatitis A or B, which might be one of the reasons for jaundice. His body is really yellowish compare to the days before ( I wonder if I should name him Avarish --Avatar in yellow lol). Over a couple of days, the doctor might move him to the normal ward as he is recovering well.
Initially, I plan to stay at home in the morning to get some stuff done. Then, dad needed me to be there at the ward and pass him something. I was looking forward spending the time in the morning digesting my own errands. Anyway, I left the house right away after getting dad's call and reached there in time for him to have money to pay for the immigration officer to issue Aaron's new passport later in the day.Actually, dad just stopped by at the KK imigration office to ask if Aaron could have his passport made without having to be physically there in the office. Dad was then nicely assisted by two officers who willing to see Aaron's for thumbprint. (5 years = RM 300)I was really shock to see officers wearing a black jacket in the ward.
For the rest of the day, I was with CP and spend the noon time at Servey Likas supermarket buying stationaries and materials. They were for Aaron's birthday tomorrow.After we had lunch at home, we made the decorations ( Happy Birthday wordings cut out from cardboard)in two hours. I say we did a good job and the wordings were nicely hung on the curtain rail, further above Aaron's bed. The atmosphere of the ward changed to a cheerful ambience and really makes everything look different...at least one doesn't feel the sorrow and silence. Aaron was really surprised and speechless seeing us putting up the decoration. Recalling the moment, he is going to have a special birthday celebration in the hospital which I don't think it's common to do among us. I left a bowl of chocolates on the table and they are for grabs for whoever come by Aaron's ward...hehe.
I am really happy to see Aaron today. He is not on oxygen ventilator now but he is still attached to an oxygen aid (the one you see tubes with two outlet attached right under the nostrils). He is much more livelier than yesterday and in fact had such a great appetite that he just gobbled down the pasta I cooked as his dinner. Just the sight of seeing him eating and appreciating every single bite of it made my heart leaps in joy. For the first time, I actually watched and stared at someone enjoying their food. When I looked at him, that moment seem to stop for me...
=D
The doctor is still finding out the causes of his jaundice. The nurse will do blood test from him tomorrow and have the sample send to private lab to check for Hepatitis A or B, which might be one of the reasons for jaundice. His body is really yellowish compare to the days before ( I wonder if I should name him Avarish --Avatar in yellow lol). Over a couple of days, the doctor might move him to the normal ward as he is recovering well.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Even Better Day
Hmm...I thought I must write down about yesterday's event before I forget. Today is Tuesday it's amazing how this week will go by faster and even better days than before.
Yesterday, I went to the hospital about 10 am and brought lentil and vegie casserole along for his breakfast. Daddy dropped me there while he went to some errands. There are two flight of stairs going up the hill before I arrive the ward and another flight of stairs to second floor of the building where the medical ICU is. To get to my brother's ward at far end of the ward, I will have to pass through the first part of the ICU unit and every time I pushed the door open to step into the unit, this is where I always see 6-8 patients - faces changes everyday, lying in their designated beds attached to drips and hose. I am glad that Aaron was moved to a closed room. He is susceptible to infection and the constant in out of visitors would affect him if he were to continue to stay in previous ward. He is a room with another patient, an old lady who has even severe case of leukemia.
I see that Aaron is gaining his appetite on food. After attending to him with my delicious~~ food (he at more than usual) in the morning, he requested that I bring sandwich with egg for him. Just the moment of hearing him asking for solid food, my heart leaps for joy! It shows that he is getting better and has the strength to enjoy eating food. I praise the Lord and I was so happy (even happier now at the thought of it)! I am willing to do anything for him no matter what he ask.
I remember the verse
Galation 6:9 And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the time appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faith.
Now I find the meaning in this verse. I almost lose courage, weary and faint in action, but I continue and keep strong. This faith that hope something unseen and yet sure in future drives me to press on knowing that my brother will get well. Every time I am in the ward with him, I always keep a smile and cheerful face. I want him to know that this is the faith that I am carrying and I believe God is doing a miracle in his situation. :D
------------------------
After noon visiting, I went to the blood bank to check on the progress of the donation. To my surprise , the room was full of Tong Hing Supermarket storage workers. They were all there for my brother's donation. I talked to my dad and later I noticed my ex-high school teacher was there as well! She called me yesterday asking about donation procedures. I didn't expect to see her at that time. It was amazing and happy to see that my Form 5 BM teacher is so helpful. =D She was the one informed his former student who works in Tong Hing... and he brought along all his colleagues. Hehe...I am amazed to see the nurse walked away a basket full of blood packs. God is good! Now, Aaron has more than enough blood supply he needs. God is more than able to help!
Thank you so much for those who are praying and took the time to donate blood. Thank you for your constant support and cheer, I won't be able to do it without your love and care. God bless you in everything and good comings.
Blood test: 1 March Pray that there is a match for my brother's bone marrow transplant.
Thanks for following up my blog..:D
Yesterday, I went to the hospital about 10 am and brought lentil and vegie casserole along for his breakfast. Daddy dropped me there while he went to some errands. There are two flight of stairs going up the hill before I arrive the ward and another flight of stairs to second floor of the building where the medical ICU is. To get to my brother's ward at far end of the ward, I will have to pass through the first part of the ICU unit and every time I pushed the door open to step into the unit, this is where I always see 6-8 patients - faces changes everyday, lying in their designated beds attached to drips and hose. I am glad that Aaron was moved to a closed room. He is susceptible to infection and the constant in out of visitors would affect him if he were to continue to stay in previous ward. He is a room with another patient, an old lady who has even severe case of leukemia.
I see that Aaron is gaining his appetite on food. After attending to him with my delicious~~ food (he at more than usual) in the morning, he requested that I bring sandwich with egg for him. Just the moment of hearing him asking for solid food, my heart leaps for joy! It shows that he is getting better and has the strength to enjoy eating food. I praise the Lord and I was so happy (even happier now at the thought of it)! I am willing to do anything for him no matter what he ask.
I remember the verse
Galation 6:9 And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the time appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faith.
Now I find the meaning in this verse. I almost lose courage, weary and faint in action, but I continue and keep strong. This faith that hope something unseen and yet sure in future drives me to press on knowing that my brother will get well. Every time I am in the ward with him, I always keep a smile and cheerful face. I want him to know that this is the faith that I am carrying and I believe God is doing a miracle in his situation. :D
------------------------
After noon visiting, I went to the blood bank to check on the progress of the donation. To my surprise , the room was full of Tong Hing Supermarket storage workers. They were all there for my brother's donation. I talked to my dad and later I noticed my ex-high school teacher was there as well! She called me yesterday asking about donation procedures. I didn't expect to see her at that time. It was amazing and happy to see that my Form 5 BM teacher is so helpful. =D She was the one informed his former student who works in Tong Hing... and he brought along all his colleagues. Hehe...I am amazed to see the nurse walked away a basket full of blood packs. God is good! Now, Aaron has more than enough blood supply he needs. God is more than able to help!
Thank you so much for those who are praying and took the time to donate blood. Thank you for your constant support and cheer, I won't be able to do it without your love and care. God bless you in everything and good comings.
Blood test: 1 March Pray that there is a match for my brother's bone marrow transplant.
Thanks for following up my blog..:D
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Special Birthday
It will be my brother's birthday this Wednesday. It is really special and good day. I am thinking how to make it a good one for him. I plan to buy him a PSP and trying to get family and relative to chip in. Today, I will look out for wordings and balloons. He is turning 23 soon and can't believe my little brother so grown up now. I remember he was just a cute little boy and now he is mistaken as my older brother (grrr...hehe). I am really looking forward to his birthday in the ward.
Any suggestion as to how to make celebrate a birthday in a hospital?
Any suggestion as to how to make celebrate a birthday in a hospital?
Prayer Request
Please pray for the following items:
a) Aaron to recover from pneumonia.
b) God speaks and comfort him everyday.
c) Strength to my parents, to be always think of positive way and calm in decision making.
d) That the best wards are available when we needed it.
e) Blood Donor (I contacted all my friends in KK to donate blood for him, Aaron needs O+ blood, if you have friends or relative in KK, please ask for help to donate blood to my brother
g) God create miracle in Aaron.
h) Protect Aaron's right lung and heal it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
? ? ? ?
I always ask the reason of all this chapter of life.. I may not know the real reasons and I am sure God is revealing something or He is working on something especially my family. I see that He is trying to teach me to be remain and grow stronger by faith in Him. There are many things that I do not understand or trying to comprehend. I question Him a lot about what is happening around me.
I see patients suffering on the bed every day. As I walk by their beds to further end of the ICU ward, I see doctor and nurses attending to the half-conscious patients. It is a scary to see doc with needles, suction hose down into the throat, etc while patient struggling with the pain. Every three times I pass by I can get the picture of how each patient is progressing, either bad or good. I wonder what is the state of mind of these patients going through the sickness and pain. Here, how does one question about God and how does spiritual support help in changing situation of the patients. What does one encounter out of this struggle of life? In ICU, one can see how patient is hanging on and struggling to live. Yeah so many questions...that in the end only God knows the answer and ...how the story ends, one do not know.
In time like this, what are the options available for us to be utilized to change thing or make things better...or should I rephrase, what actions are we taking to see changes or improvements. What really drives us to see changes to be done? Hope. With all the opportunities before us, I am struggling and rather with inner confusion understanding the facts of life : to rely on medication or not (i find it a tool and not a cure), to find the best food and supplements (so many people suggesting to eat this or eat that and can't really tell if they salutary work ), humanity ( asking help from ppl around ...garnering blood packs), moral support from friends and relative ( to what point that moral support helps sustain patient's emotional level), financial support ( ensure a better treatment ) and others
......all these boils down to the statement ' life is fragile' .
I see patients suffering on the bed every day. As I walk by their beds to further end of the ICU ward, I see doctor and nurses attending to the half-conscious patients. It is a scary to see doc with needles, suction hose down into the throat, etc while patient struggling with the pain. Every three times I pass by I can get the picture of how each patient is progressing, either bad or good. I wonder what is the state of mind of these patients going through the sickness and pain. Here, how does one question about God and how does spiritual support help in changing situation of the patients. What does one encounter out of this struggle of life? In ICU, one can see how patient is hanging on and struggling to live. Yeah so many questions...that in the end only God knows the answer and ...how the story ends, one do not know.
In time like this, what are the options available for us to be utilized to change thing or make things better...or should I rephrase, what actions are we taking to see changes or improvements. What really drives us to see changes to be done? Hope. With all the opportunities before us, I am struggling and rather with inner confusion understanding the facts of life : to rely on medication or not (i find it a tool and not a cure), to find the best food and supplements (so many people suggesting to eat this or eat that and can't really tell if they salutary work ), humanity ( asking help from ppl around ...garnering blood packs), moral support from friends and relative ( to what point that moral support helps sustain patient's emotional level), financial support ( ensure a better treatment ) and others
......all these boils down to the statement ' life is fragile' .
Relieve
Good to see that he is doing better. After draining out the lung fluid, he can breath and talk easily. It was a comfort and relieve to see him talk much more than usual to my cousins who came to visit. One thing that was enlightening to see that he ate mom's food ( hehe... thanks to my advice of not adding fish stock ;P), milk and cookie. Usually he would just have a drink and hardly any appetite to eat. I say , just the sight of seeing him eating and drinking....is a hope to behold. :D
I wonder how much longer until I can do my own stuff... I realize I miss working, meeting friends for chat and drink. I see it now they are among the best things in life.
I wonder how much longer until I can do my own stuff... I realize I miss working, meeting friends for chat and drink. I see it now they are among the best things in life.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Feb 20 A good day
Today is a good day.. and will be another good day tomorrow.
I woke up today at 6 am, thinking that I should cook food for Aaron ( he doesn't like to eat mom's food) hehe... guess my food is full of life, smell and color which i find important in food..creates appetite for a person to eat. Cookie vegie soup for him...smells good in the morning.
Went to see him again in the morning. Couldn't talk much to him because he is on a big oxygen ventilator. He was not on fluid drain now... nurse gave him blood transfusion and platelet. He still needs blood donation , in fact, the doctor urge for the donation to keep coming.
I am happy to see that there were my friends and family came for blood donation. So far, there are four donors today. Thanks Doris and Jing Wen for donating. Thanks too for those in KL who would like to donate. Unfortunately, hospital do not allow blood packs to be sent to KK for the recipient. Blood must come from within the region. I really thank God that in time of difficulties like this, there are many people who came back for CNY are able to donate blood. There are a few coming on Monday and hope to get more packs for him.
Now, signing off and heading to hospital. Hope he eats mom's food... if not, I am gonna spank him! Lol
I woke up today at 6 am, thinking that I should cook food for Aaron ( he doesn't like to eat mom's food) hehe... guess my food is full of life, smell and color which i find important in food..creates appetite for a person to eat. Cookie vegie soup for him...smells good in the morning.
Went to see him again in the morning. Couldn't talk much to him because he is on a big oxygen ventilator. He was not on fluid drain now... nurse gave him blood transfusion and platelet. He still needs blood donation , in fact, the doctor urge for the donation to keep coming.
I am happy to see that there were my friends and family came for blood donation. So far, there are four donors today. Thanks Doris and Jing Wen for donating. Thanks too for those in KL who would like to donate. Unfortunately, hospital do not allow blood packs to be sent to KK for the recipient. Blood must come from within the region. I really thank God that in time of difficulties like this, there are many people who came back for CNY are able to donate blood. There are a few coming on Monday and hope to get more packs for him.
Now, signing off and heading to hospital. Hope he eats mom's food... if not, I am gonna spank him! Lol
19 February 10
February 19
So many things...
I wanted to update about Thursday...er no Friday ( lost track of time when I am spending so much time in hospital). I stayed there for more than 13 hours for the longest in a week. I was there practically to assist my friends and my brother's friends for blood donation. There were 10 of them who was willing to donate , however, they are not in right state to do so. It's either they were on medication, sick, drank, or just came back from oversea. All in all, two of them only donated. I find that getting donation done is not easy as well.
Well, I am really happy that there are positive response from unknown people who is willing to help out. SMS and call just came in non-stop. With all the talking, I almost lost my voice. I am trying to get in blood for my brother as soon as possible. It takes two days to process and screen the blood before it is ready to be used.
About lunch time, when I brought him food, he coughed out blood and just that moment , seeing the blood, frightens me. Tears weld up in my eyes and wiped them off just so he doesn't see it. I want to avoid unnecessary sorrow in the ward. From the look of the bloody spectrum on the tissue, I know what is coming next... draining the fluids out. It has to be done as soon as possible before further internal bleeding persist. The nurses just waited on the platelet supply and it took so long that the doctor went to check for himself. (This just show how some nurses work) After dripping 4 packs of platelet, the young doctor poke a hole on his left lung and drain out the fluid. My brother was shocked to see the blood flowing out through the tube. He thought it was clear fluid but I knew it wasn't. We kept this secret from dad....
...after waiting on him and all procedure, I got out from hospital 8.30 pm. Joined Bk and CY for japanese food.. thanks to them I got the appetite to eat. I didn't eat the whole day and seeing so much blood suppress my eating appetite.
* yawning
learning stg new that night...couldn't start my car when about to go home. CY helped me to 'chot ca'....
So many things...
I wanted to update about Thursday...er no Friday ( lost track of time when I am spending so much time in hospital). I stayed there for more than 13 hours for the longest in a week. I was there practically to assist my friends and my brother's friends for blood donation. There were 10 of them who was willing to donate , however, they are not in right state to do so. It's either they were on medication, sick, drank, or just came back from oversea. All in all, two of them only donated. I find that getting donation done is not easy as well.
Well, I am really happy that there are positive response from unknown people who is willing to help out. SMS and call just came in non-stop. With all the talking, I almost lost my voice. I am trying to get in blood for my brother as soon as possible. It takes two days to process and screen the blood before it is ready to be used.
About lunch time, when I brought him food, he coughed out blood and just that moment , seeing the blood, frightens me. Tears weld up in my eyes and wiped them off just so he doesn't see it. I want to avoid unnecessary sorrow in the ward. From the look of the bloody spectrum on the tissue, I know what is coming next... draining the fluids out. It has to be done as soon as possible before further internal bleeding persist. The nurses just waited on the platelet supply and it took so long that the doctor went to check for himself. (This just show how some nurses work) After dripping 4 packs of platelet, the young doctor poke a hole on his left lung and drain out the fluid. My brother was shocked to see the blood flowing out through the tube. He thought it was clear fluid but I knew it wasn't. We kept this secret from dad....
...after waiting on him and all procedure, I got out from hospital 8.30 pm. Joined Bk and CY for japanese food.. thanks to them I got the appetite to eat. I didn't eat the whole day and seeing so much blood suppress my eating appetite.
* yawning
learning stg new that night...couldn't start my car when about to go home. CY helped me to 'chot ca'....
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Positive response
I sent out sms to three friends and the response I got were so overwhelming to the point that I became speechless. I don't know how to response to the more than 20 sms and calls about how they can donate blood. I am really touched that some of them took the time after work and headed to the hospital directly to get their blood donated. Networking is important to get things done.
Today I will be at the hospital from noon to 6 pm to assist with those who are coming for donation today. I plan to give out my birthday cupcakes when I see them. It's a way to say I am grateful to their time and effort.
I pray that I have good encounter and adventure in hospital today. Feel like I am in a philanthropic project. Hehe...
God is good all the time..
Recipe for the day:
Black Bean and Pumpkin Stew
Today I will be at the hospital from noon to 6 pm to assist with those who are coming for donation today. I plan to give out my birthday cupcakes when I see them. It's a way to say I am grateful to their time and effort.
I pray that I have good encounter and adventure in hospital today. Feel like I am in a philanthropic project. Hehe...
God is good all the time..
Recipe for the day:
Black Bean and Pumpkin Stew
Looking for blood donor
Hi, I am Angeline. My brother, Aaron Abai has acute leukemia and not treated in Queen Elizabeth hospital. He is on blood transfusion aside from the chemo treatment. The blood bank has run out of supply and am now looking for O + blood donor. If you think you are a potentila donor and would like to donate, please contact me at 019 8621985 . Fifteen minutes of your time can save a life. Please forward to your friends. Thank you!!
I just sent this sms to my friends and relatives, I am hoping the best for him. =D Joyful...joyfull...
I just sent this sms to my friends and relatives, I am hoping the best for him. =D Joyful...joyfull...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Another episode at the ward
I made another trip to ICU and brought lunch for my brother. It's heart clenching to see that he does not want to eat the food my mother prepared. I am finding him very picky on food even though he is sick..lol! Well, at least he is really aware of his surrounding and know he wants. Even though he is difficult to be pleased, I am happy that he is alert.
The doctor has stopped giving him chemo drug (citabine i think) and letting him to recover for bone marrow. I hope within these few days, his white blood count and platelet will rise and show a positive sign of recovering. After that, he will go through bone marrow transplant to replace the lost precursor blood cell. I hope he will get well soon by end of this month or mid-March. I can't wait to see him walking out from the bed.
Right after I left the medical ICU, he was taken for ultrasound to do a check on his liver. He has jaundiced (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaundice) and hope that liver is working well. Chemo drug does so much detrimental to a body aside from killing the leukemia.
Now, I have 10 minutes left before another third round to the ward. Being inside the ward and hearing all the beeping sounds making me more dizzy hehe... I am thankful that during this time, I have relatives around giving great support. Their visits to the ward helps to lighten my load and brings a new atmosphere for my brother. I think he is getting bored of seeing me all the time now. ..haha.
The doctor has stopped giving him chemo drug (citabine i think) and letting him to recover for bone marrow. I hope within these few days, his white blood count and platelet will rise and show a positive sign of recovering. After that, he will go through bone marrow transplant to replace the lost precursor blood cell. I hope he will get well soon by end of this month or mid-March. I can't wait to see him walking out from the bed.
Right after I left the medical ICU, he was taken for ultrasound to do a check on his liver. He has jaundiced (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaundice) and hope that liver is working well. Chemo drug does so much detrimental to a body aside from killing the leukemia.
Now, I have 10 minutes left before another third round to the ward. Being inside the ward and hearing all the beeping sounds making me more dizzy hehe... I am thankful that during this time, I have relatives around giving great support. Their visits to the ward helps to lighten my load and brings a new atmosphere for my brother. I think he is getting bored of seeing me all the time now. ..haha.
Blood donation
Looking for blood donor. The hospital ran out of blood. A patient needs 3-4 packs (400-500 ml) of blood and platelet transfusion. Now asking near relatives and friends. He is O+. I am thankful that most of immediate family and relatives are O type. I wish I could donate my blood to him but I am 'preserving' myself for the bone marrow transplant. I hope I am a match to his bone marrow type ( stg AML 4 antigen) The last time I donated blood was in Penang. I thought one pack is noble act but apparently not sufficient to keep a patient alive. Hehehe.... :D
Finding the Rest of God
There have been couple of days, I find myself waking feel restless just because knowing it is still another day of the similar situation. I always wrestle with myself my effort to visit him in the morning. I have been thinking, what is rest? How to enter the rest in God? I wish that there could be no trouble, then there will be a freedom for rest. Then again, will I totally be at peace in such stagnant rest? To enter the real rest of God is trusting Him and having no worry at all in time of adversity.
Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]
—John 14:27
Concerning entering God's rest I would like to say this: There is no such thing as "the rest of God" without opposition. To illustrate, let me share a story I once heard involving two artists who were asked to paint pictures of peace as they perceived it. One painted a quiet, still lake, far back in the mountains. The other painted a raging, rushing waterfall which had a birch tree leaning out over it with a bird resting in a nest on one of the branches.
Which one truly depicts peace? The second one does, because there is no such thing as peace without opposition. The first painting represents stagnation. The scene it sets forth may be serene; a person might be motivated to want to go there to recuperate. It may offer a pretty picture, but it does not depict "the rest of God." Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you." (John 14:27). His peace is a spiritual peace, and His rest is one that operates in the midst of the storm—not in its absence.
Jesus did not come to remove all opposition from our lives but rather to give us a different approach to the storms of life. We are to take His yoke upon us and learn of Him (See Matthew 11:29). That means that we are to learn His ways, to approach life in the same way He did. Jesus did not worry, and we do not have to worry either!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Meaning of CNY
' Gong Xi Fa Cai! ' My neighbour called out to his friends who just came to visit.
Just the sound of it, it's different meaning than before. I find it more meaningful this time.. it's not just a phrase to be rehearsed and repeated , just because it is the season... it really means something... just the moment being able to visit someone and get to know how they are doing... just a simple knowing a person is smiling means he and she is blessed.
This year, I don't mind not able to celebrate CNY... it's a literary phrase... being with family matters and loving each other is the most important factor now.. occasion is just an occasion and it is nothing without actions and effort in compassion and love.
Just the sound of it, it's different meaning than before. I find it more meaningful this time.. it's not just a phrase to be rehearsed and repeated , just because it is the season... it really means something... just the moment being able to visit someone and get to know how they are doing... just a simple knowing a person is smiling means he and she is blessed.
This year, I don't mind not able to celebrate CNY... it's a literary phrase... being with family matters and loving each other is the most important factor now.. occasion is just an occasion and it is nothing without actions and effort in compassion and love.
ICU
I open my eyes after hearing the word ICU...couldn't wake up peacefully...speechless...it seems that he is under low oxygen and lung infection... things still under control...but I am honestly stressful and worried. I am still hoping the best and trusting God.
am keeping this track ...as a record of everything... I don't know what to do but pray and writing my heart out...a way I feel better about things.
am keeping this track ...as a record of everything... I don't know what to do but pray and writing my heart out...a way I feel better about things.
At the hospital
I am relieved that it is the end of the day. There were so many battles that I think I wouldn't be able to fight them alone if not for the Lord's strength and mercy. Initially, I was restless and wonder how to go through the day especially my emotion when seeing my brother. As I sat at the bench looking at my McD breakfast set, I find myself staring in the zone and wonder how he is doing. Am I prepared to meet him?
On the plane, I became more anxious and restless. I took a book out ' Living the best of life' by Joel Osten and found myself flipping to a page ' Let the Lord fights the battle for you'. I read it's entry and relieved to know that I am not alone and He is with me all the time. The scripture from 2 Chronicle 36: 1-8 shows how much God is in control. I find that I am walking in greater faith and loving Him even more.
Yes, there were many battles today but the Lord is good. I can see how great His love is especially He placed BK and GL with me to comfort me. I am really grateful and thankful that there was BK willingly to fetch me from the airport and find her so sweet and thoughtful. She had the time to bring fruits for my brother and cookies for me. GL was very accommodating in terms of transportation. Without his offer lift home, I would not think I would be in the correct state of mind to drive around KK (after being away and having arrived from KK recently) and possibly end up somewhere else. Thanks G for the lunch!
As I stepped into the hospital and in the haemotology ward, the first time I saw my brother on the bed, the sight of it...he looks so bad yet he look handsome and well built. For first few moments, he was really happy to see me but after that he felt guilty and sad over not being able to make pizza for me. I held my tears and gave him reassurance that we all being together and united during CNY is more important. CNY is not about its tradition, ritual, beliefs but being together is. I am here to support him.
Staying in the ward , just three hours, finally realized it's not an easy job. The constant care and attention to a patient drains my energy but I try not to focus on that. It won't be long that everything gets better and I will be able to see him smile again. That's all that matters to me despite of the tiredness. It's not easy job because have to constantly be aware of the needs, desires and emotion of the patient. I noticed that one needs so much help of hand when bedridden. I now respect the nurses and doctors in the hospital for their hard work.
to be continue... (sleepy)~~
signing off from KK..
On the plane, I became more anxious and restless. I took a book out ' Living the best of life' by Joel Osten and found myself flipping to a page ' Let the Lord fights the battle for you'. I read it's entry and relieved to know that I am not alone and He is with me all the time. The scripture from 2 Chronicle 36: 1-8 shows how much God is in control. I find that I am walking in greater faith and loving Him even more.
Yes, there were many battles today but the Lord is good. I can see how great His love is especially He placed BK and GL with me to comfort me. I am really grateful and thankful that there was BK willingly to fetch me from the airport and find her so sweet and thoughtful. She had the time to bring fruits for my brother and cookies for me. GL was very accommodating in terms of transportation. Without his offer lift home, I would not think I would be in the correct state of mind to drive around KK (after being away and having arrived from KK recently) and possibly end up somewhere else. Thanks G for the lunch!
As I stepped into the hospital and in the haemotology ward, the first time I saw my brother on the bed, the sight of it...he looks so bad yet he look handsome and well built. For first few moments, he was really happy to see me but after that he felt guilty and sad over not being able to make pizza for me. I held my tears and gave him reassurance that we all being together and united during CNY is more important. CNY is not about its tradition, ritual, beliefs but being together is. I am here to support him.
Staying in the ward , just three hours, finally realized it's not an easy job. The constant care and attention to a patient drains my energy but I try not to focus on that. It won't be long that everything gets better and I will be able to see him smile again. That's all that matters to me despite of the tiredness. It's not easy job because have to constantly be aware of the needs, desires and emotion of the patient. I noticed that one needs so much help of hand when bedridden. I now respect the nurses and doctors in the hospital for their hard work.
to be continue... (sleepy)~~
signing off from KK..
Friday, February 12, 2010
Am I doing the right thing?
So now I am sitting at a table and facing the laptop. I keep checking from face book to email. I am feeling bored and thinking what to do. I savor the ample time I now have and thinking about all the things that I could do with the time. However , it is darted by two realities that I am trying to avoid or shun by. I cannot run away and I am standing still like a ship giving it's all might to cut through the stormy waves. From far, one looks at the ship easily crushing through the waves but never occur in his or her mind that the ship actually is crying out loud inside (from the engine). Similarly, I feel myself like that.
Two realities set an uncertain and wearisome heart. One, I still have not accept the truth that my brother is suffering from acute myeloid leukemia because it happened so quickly in three days. How did I feel when I first heard of the news? My first response was definitely shock and second, although I may not understand the situation, I humbly accept the truth and that there is reason behind everything. I truly believe there is no coincident and things happen the way it is already willed. I let it be. Over time, I become more restless and frustration agitated my sense of hope and peace...to only now I come to question...I am not blaming Him but being an understanding friend...I pour out my lament...why why why? Is it fair and what are You trying to do? Please understand...this is never a blaming game but a heart of a disciple Jacob yearning to seek Him and asking for truth....yet the Lord never forsake him and accept his lament as a true loyalty and faith.... hmm.. how to say ... read the book for yourself in the Bible.
Nevertheless, I am putting aside the thought that seeing my brother in his weak state and motionless body, I want to be strong for him. Despite of the unfairness, I putting on a breast plate of love ...in time like this, smile and support is what he needs. I love him too much that my heart acts to see him going through chemo treatment. My brother is a lovely strong and tall boy (he is always the 10 year old boy in my heart).Everyday I tell him that I love him and God is with him all the time. Then..having that said, I feel it is not enough. Easier being said, harder when done.
As I am writing here from laptop, I am thinking if my heart is ready to see him.
As I am writing here from laptop, I still couldn't believe what I did today.
Half day at work, tender in resignation letter in 10 minutes, no goodbyes (one or two to closes colleagues), rushed for a job interview, wrap up everything in apt, dumped clothes into luggage,not a chance of bidding goodbyes to my housemates,left the apt, rush to see my sister before she left for hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year (did I just say Chinese New Year?), now sitting here. ...fuh I can breathe now~~ n I recall Elisa saying ' Take a break ' . Those who know me, I am used to it and the fact that I did everything in a day, is that time I felt more determined and completely sure of what I want to do.
Tomorrow I will be in KK...countdown 17 hours .. to the hospital. All I wanna do is see him......
Note* this is a highly a production of AOA Inc. and whatever content regarding life and death is all just a fiction. All stories proceed to those sharing and concern about the author's disposition. Please absorb at your own risk.
Two realities set an uncertain and wearisome heart. One, I still have not accept the truth that my brother is suffering from acute myeloid leukemia because it happened so quickly in three days. How did I feel when I first heard of the news? My first response was definitely shock and second, although I may not understand the situation, I humbly accept the truth and that there is reason behind everything. I truly believe there is no coincident and things happen the way it is already willed. I let it be. Over time, I become more restless and frustration agitated my sense of hope and peace...to only now I come to question...I am not blaming Him but being an understanding friend...I pour out my lament...why why why? Is it fair and what are You trying to do? Please understand...this is never a blaming game but a heart of a disciple Jacob yearning to seek Him and asking for truth....yet the Lord never forsake him and accept his lament as a true loyalty and faith.... hmm.. how to say ... read the book for yourself in the Bible.
Nevertheless, I am putting aside the thought that seeing my brother in his weak state and motionless body, I want to be strong for him. Despite of the unfairness, I putting on a breast plate of love ...in time like this, smile and support is what he needs. I love him too much that my heart acts to see him going through chemo treatment. My brother is a lovely strong and tall boy (he is always the 10 year old boy in my heart).Everyday I tell him that I love him and God is with him all the time. Then..having that said, I feel it is not enough. Easier being said, harder when done.
As I am writing here from laptop, I am thinking if my heart is ready to see him.
As I am writing here from laptop, I still couldn't believe what I did today.
Half day at work, tender in resignation letter in 10 minutes, no goodbyes (one or two to closes colleagues), rushed for a job interview, wrap up everything in apt, dumped clothes into luggage,not a chance of bidding goodbyes to my housemates,left the apt, rush to see my sister before she left for hometown to celebrate Chinese New Year (did I just say Chinese New Year?), now sitting here. ...fuh I can breathe now~~ n I recall Elisa saying ' Take a break ' . Those who know me, I am used to it and the fact that I did everything in a day, is that time I felt more determined and completely sure of what I want to do.
Tomorrow I will be in KK...countdown 17 hours .. to the hospital. All I wanna do is see him......
Note* this is a highly a production of AOA Inc. and whatever content regarding life and death is all just a fiction. All stories proceed to those sharing and concern about the author's disposition. Please absorb at your own risk.
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